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Post by Zarth on Mar 23, 2012 0:44:43 GMT -5
There are four other characters bios I still have to make, but i'll do that later. I'll make the pics if you guys approve of this ( and the other soon to come characters)
Bloodless bloodline: The bloodless bloodline is a long lived clan of five ancient and powerful demons. They originated from the same world the Element brothers are from, and were the ones responsible for killing their parents. Every few five thousand years, they reveal themselves to the over world, and enslave millions of innocent people without bias. These lost souls are known as the Suffering. This clan is extremely hated by all walks of life for their methods of recruitment; this includes every other demon or warlord that resides in HELLL. In HELLLL there is only one agreed upon rule by all the war lords when it comes to recruitment; only recruit the dead. The bloodless bloodline does not do this. Instead, they torture the living until their will power or mins breaks. At this point, either Zezek, or Monstrous can use their power to twist and deform a person’s mind into swearing their allegiance to the bloodless blood line.
The bloodless bloodline was giving their name for the fact that none of them have any sort of blood or blood type liquid to bleed.
Senith: Senith is known as the enforcer in the bloodless bloodline. He stands at around six feet tall. His skin in pale and smells of rotting flesh. He is a rather sadistic person. He thrives off of the screams of the frightened. Senath’s job is to keep order to the Suffering hordes. This way, the screams and moans of pain from the suffering can keep him empowered as he leads them into battle. When faced with a challenge, he prefers to deal with it as quick as possible so he can conserve as much of his energy as possible.
Senith is able to control every muscle in his body unlike anyone else. He is able to disconnect his muscles from his skeletal structure, and stretch them to unrealistic lengths where he would be able to use them as whips. Aside from his muscle controlling capability, his muscles also excrete a powerful toxin that attacks a person’s senses. The effect of the toxin depends on the strength of his target. A weak, nimble human would easily succumb to the poisons which would leave him paralyzed for months if untreated, where as a strong brawler would be able to resist most of the poisons, but if subjected to a larger dose, the toxins would eventually take their toll of the brawler’s body. (Side effects include: nausea, blurred vision, wooziness, major swelling of the hands, hives, blisters, loss of smell, migraines, and vomiting.)
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Candy Biu
Skin Making
Candy fiction[M0n:120]
Sweetest of them all!
Posts: 519
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Post by Candy Biu on Mar 23, 2012 1:21:31 GMT -5
There are four other characters bios I still have to make, but i'll do that later. I'll make the pics if you guys approve of this ( and the other soon to come characters) "im a unique butterfly )" - Mary Sue. "i kill everything and enslave but only every once and a while to be different )" - OP Mary Sue. "im hated by the most hated things )" - Mary Sue. "i do evil things even the most evil things wouldn't do )" - Mary Sue. Final judgement: trying too hard to be evil and do things differently. Mary Sue based around a gimmick. Good concept, poor execution. Instead of making it sound like he literally gains power from screams and moans, why not make it sound more like he's a case of getting his jollies from others' suffering? Not literally empowering, but he enjoys it to the point of surrounding himself in it, and thus, seeming powerful when surrounded by such? "he prefers to deal with it as quick as possible so he can conserve as much of his energy as possible." This is honestly just poor writing. Just leave it at "He prefer to deal with issues as quickly as possible." Again, good concept, poor execution. Why specifically only muscle? Why revolve around such a vital function? Muscles being attached to bone is what allows movement, if there's no solid object to attach to, no movement is possible. How does the muscle come out from beneath his skin to where it can actually be used? This is a good concept, but if you're going to go into such detail, you need to make sure the logic is flawless. Leave it at "flesh projection/manipulation", in that he can extend his flesh (be it skin, muscle, etc.,.) and form it into shapes, namely whips. Suspension of disbelief will take care of all the details, and makes your logic harder to poke holes in. Again with the flawed details. How does muscle secrete a toxin (which at this point I am assuming is in a gaseous state) that can then be injected into the surroundings and be ingested by someone? Giving him toxin secretion is fine, but the detail of being secreted from his muscles is just off. What would cause someone's muscles to secrete a toxin in the first place? It doesn't make sense for ones body to internally secret a toxin, because then it's only killing itself. Internal CREATION is fine, just not internal SECRETION. Just have it secrete from his skin. All in all... OP Mary Sue group, good concept for the character, poor execution.
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Post by Zarth on Mar 23, 2012 1:32:18 GMT -5
I'll rewrite it tomorrow. i'm too tired to make anything better right now.
with the toxins though. I was trying to go on a jelly fish type of concept. You get hit by his muscles, you get strung, and are then injected with the toxin.
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Candy Biu
Skin Making
Candy fiction[M0n:120]
Sweetest of them all!
Posts: 519
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Post by Candy Biu on Mar 23, 2012 1:53:20 GMT -5
I'm not a marine biologist, so I can't say for sure, but that's not the muscles themselves secreting the toxin, there would be stingers that would be. And even if they did secret the toxins from the muscles themselves, jellyfish also don't have epidermal layers, and the muscle is open and exposed to the elements. Think things through a little more next time, ja?
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Post by DryChris on Mar 23, 2012 3:57:54 GMT -5
Hey guys, I dediced to make a revamp of DC's profile and I was wondering if it was good
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Post by DJGrandPa on Mar 23, 2012 5:35:05 GMT -5
I dunno, seems like a clusterfuck of powers that you thought might be cool, but I dunno, maybe that's just me, either way, this got a laugh out of me:
"Drychris has a set of master hands, which are basically indestructable hands that are a 1.000.000 times better than normal hands."
It sounds like something a kindergarten kid would say while high on sugar. All around I feel you've made it more complicated than necessary.
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Post by Gront on Mar 23, 2012 6:11:20 GMT -5
DJGramps has a point. Is there a measure for the utility of normal hands? If so, how does it scale?
Kidding aside, I think that the character would be much improved if you simply give him his Master Hands and took out all the other powers. You pretty much only use the hands, and why would DC carry around another weapon when he shoots bullets out of his fingers? On that note, I'd actually say nix the reloading bit regarding the hand bullets. During brawls, people only reload for effect (like in an action movie), and Gunsmith is the only character whose profile even addresses this.
I felt you went into too much detail as to what happens when he catches an element. It's good to have a mental idea of where to limit his powers, but I think "he can temporarily use an element he catches" would have sufficed, keeping the size to quantity ratio in your head.
While I think eliminating the weapon entirely is the best course of action, if you do decide to keep it, please rename it something that doesn't make me think of Skeletor, especially if he's gonna hold it above his head He-Man style. Also the stinging injuries thing is kind of silly, in my opinion. Open wounds are going to hurt pretty much constantly until they're attended to; having a power that makes them hurt (more, presumably) feels useless.
I actually like the idea of his hands having minds of their own if they're severed. It's kind of funny in a cartoonish sort of way, but not bad enough to make it annoying.
tl;dr Get rid of the weapon, consider simplifying your description of everything else.
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Post by DryChris on Mar 23, 2012 7:01:08 GMT -5
When I really think about it, he wouldn't need the katar. He could use any weapon with great skill, he doesn't need a trademark weapon. Hell, he can just use his fucking hands, haha. Also I guess it is silly just saying that his Master Hands are X times better than regular hands.
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Post by DJGrandPa on Mar 23, 2012 11:27:23 GMT -5
I actually like the idea of his hands having minds of their own if they're severed. It's kind of funny in a cartoonish sort of way, but not bad enough to make it annoying. Sounds groovy. (c'men I had to.) the new profile is better, but I think the F-bomb and laser powers are overdone, you should focus on his hands instead, the other one just feels like add-ons.
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Post by Gront on Mar 24, 2012 1:40:34 GMT -5
the new profile is better, but I think the F-bomb and laser powers are overdone, you should focus on his hands instead, the other one just feels like add-ons. I still like the F-bomb, if only because I used it in Fallen Angel (to great effect, in my opinion ). I don't think the laser powers will come up often enough to really matter, though that could be a reason to remove them from the description; after all, laser fingers sound like a reasonable extension of Master Hands.
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Post by DryChris on Mar 24, 2012 14:07:50 GMT -5
the new profile is better, but I think the F-bomb and laser powers are overdone, you should focus on his hands instead, the other one just feels like add-ons. I still like the F-bomb, if only because I used it in Fallen Angel (to great effect, in my opinion ). I don't think the laser powers will come up often enough to really matter, though that could be a reason to remove them from the description; after all, laser fingers sound like a reasonable extension of Master Hands. So...are you saying that the laser fingers are okay?
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Post by Bulet on Mar 25, 2012 9:52:47 GMT -5
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Post by Spawner on Mar 25, 2012 9:55:08 GMT -5
Vagina eye torso Virus.
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Post by SwordKill on Apr 2, 2012 6:05:38 GMT -5
The Brawl City news anchor voice of the people and i need a name for this cunt.
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Candy Biu
Skin Making
Candy fiction[M0n:120]
Sweetest of them all!
Posts: 519
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Post by Candy Biu on Apr 2, 2012 6:56:38 GMT -5
Robert Swann
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Post by DJGrandPa on Apr 2, 2012 7:26:19 GMT -5
Arnold... or Kurt.
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Post by Spawner on Apr 2, 2012 7:36:30 GMT -5
Ron Burgundy
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Post by SwordKill on Apr 2, 2012 7:59:24 GMT -5
M0ar concept art of this fella. Blastin' zombies.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2012 19:48:54 GMT -5
Hey guys, remember this fellow? What do you say? Should I continue the concept work on him or leave him to erode into nothingness?
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Post by DryChris on Apr 2, 2012 19:51:37 GMT -5
Keep at it.
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Post by Shackles on Apr 2, 2012 20:00:32 GMT -5
What do you say? Should I continue the concept work on him or leave him to erode into nothingness? I like him, I like the idea that his powers are centered around charging up his attacks to make them more powerful over time if he's more passive. Also seems interesting that he frequents or lives in the hospital.
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Post by destructin on Apr 6, 2012 13:47:03 GMT -5
A character I made a while ago for a thread shackles was gonna make, after a trillion years, shackles finally gave up, so I'll add her to my brawler roaster if it's ok.
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pm
Apprentice
[M0n:-295]
..Huh?
Posts: 249
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Post by pm on Apr 6, 2012 18:45:15 GMT -5
An extremely durable suit that protects from stuff like stabbing, heat and physical harm... and is also skin tight so much so you can see her nipples. Mmmyes Also, Eleven Powers: None Bio: Eleven is a salaryman working at the Brawl Centre of Intelligence, he works hard to support his wife and two kids. He had an incident in his childhood with a brawl scientist lab, he was nosing around the labs and accidently knocked over some experimental chemicals and it caused a chemical reaction to spew toxic gas all over the lab. All the scientists that didn't evacuate died from the gas. Although Eleven was directly exposed to the gas he was not killed, it instead mutated him and he grew incredibly long legs. His residence comes with natural dangers but he can keep himself alive. He would do nearly anything to defend his family, he could almost be considered heroic. He has a good friend and business partner called Legs. He always knows the time with his trusty wristwatch. McJesus was gonna make the other guy Legs but muh.
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Post by Deadly Virus on Apr 6, 2012 19:29:26 GMT -5
Some basic concept art for a guy I'm thinking about making. The dual axes would be his main weapon, but I'm thinking that he'd also have some way to manipulate blood as an energy force to boost his power or something. As for backstory, he would have lived most of his life in a jungle somewhere on Brawl planet, so he'd have little understanding of how society in the more civilized parts of the void works. However, as a result of his environment, he would be very fast and agile, capable of climbing trees in a matter of seconds. Powered by the blood energy that I was talking about, his speed could become almost inhuman Fullbody version would probably have him wearing some kind of harness on his upper body, carrying an assortment of knives, grenades and maybe even a pistol as secondary weapons. He'd wear some kind of scraggy, torn pants and boots beneath that. Haven't decided on a name yet, so feel free to suggest something.
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pm
Apprentice
[M0n:-295]
..Huh?
Posts: 249
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Post by pm on Apr 6, 2012 21:30:50 GMT -5
He's like a frenzy barb
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Post by natedude on Apr 10, 2012 16:07:02 GMT -5
Hey all, I'm going to try this again. SO, Right now I'm thinking a Character that's made of Stone that is Incredibly Tough, and Very Powerful, but Extremely Heavy and Extremely sloooow. But honestly I have no clue and need ideas. Edit: And the image is shit because I'm bad at drawing/I rushed it a bit.
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Post by DJGrandPa on Apr 10, 2012 16:18:34 GMT -5
Sounds like a Golem... you should give him some personality, the concept is cool though
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Trevanion
Lurker
[M0n:-176]
That Other Douche
Posts: 171
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Post by Trevanion on Apr 10, 2012 16:26:32 GMT -5
Give him big stone fists? Dat would look Cool.
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Post by Norville "Bourbon" Rogers on Apr 10, 2012 16:36:50 GMT -5
Call him Rog
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Candy Biu
Skin Making
Candy fiction[M0n:120]
Sweetest of them all!
Posts: 519
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Post by Candy Biu on Apr 10, 2012 17:38:42 GMT -5
Give him cheesy rock/rog one-liners. "Time to rog and roll." "Rog on." etc.,.
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