Alright, this one's a little longer than previous iterations. It was actually done roughly 12 hours after the previous iteration, so I didn't get the chance to take any name suggestions after that. Next round, Ken!
Also I had accidentally forgotten to save after the last one, so I tried getting back to where I was. The only differences are that Kromax is a level lower and McJ is now in a great ball instead of a pokeball.
Anyways, first fight with the new and improved Shackles:
SHACKLES IS NOW INTIMIDATING.
Oh shit. More furries.
McJesus needed an electric move. So I gave him Surge's. Finally the bastard (Surge, not McJ) can be of some use to me.
Now into one of my least favorite dungeons in any game, ever.
And what better way to celebrate than to make it worse by not using FLASH?
Within moments...
Oh hey, it's a female! We all know what that means!
Congrats, Candy.
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD THE FURRIES ARE ATTACKING FROM THE DARKNESS
Well at least he picked an awesome Pokemon, I guess...
Huh. Oh well, two electric moves are better than one!
R.I.P. DryChris
GUYS! I FOUND HIM! IT'S THE GUY WHO DRAWS ALL THE FURRY PORN FOR THE WHOLE INTERNET! I'd have one of my Pokemon kick his ass if I didn't think he'd like it.
Wait, you were drawing your furry shit HERE? OH SHIT THAT'S WHY THIS PART OF THE CAVE IS STICKY EWW.
Some battle intros clearly had a decent amount of thought put into them. Then there are ones like this.
...glad I still have plenty of those. Des would have been a goner.
Suddenly I get the feeling I don't want to know...
"Fun." Is that what they're calling it nowdays? GET AWAY.
OH NO MENTAL IMAGE ASDF.
(lots of running away later...)
Join the club. This is tough without light.
Me too. FUCK YOU, JOHN, YOU RUIN LIVES.
Wait, you
live in this cave? Damn, man, I hate walking through it. Respect earned.
Awesome. He thinks I'm good enough to walk over rocks.
Use FLASH maybe? AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.
I hate when NPCs give you advice that's applicable to the real world but not the game world.
...but you walked over to me in order to tell me that...
Remember earlier when I mentioned the biggest non-sequitur in the game? I lied.
This is it.
If I smoked this is the part where I'd light the cigarette.
So at this point, I'd been wandering around this damn cave for a little over an hour. Then I see this:
They usually put these on either end of the routes, meaning this is either a very good sign or a very bad sign. No pun intended.
ARGH FINALLY!
WIMP.
Huh? No, that's just a hiker. Speaking of which, why are hikers so fat?
It's sad city. I've gotta heal before I take on those other trainers up there.
NO.
I warned you.
Yeah yeah, fatties laugh a lot. I get it, Santa Claus.
¬_¬ Fuck these writers.
You
are bloated. You eat fat for trail mix.
ROCKET. NO ONE KILLS OFF POKEMON I HAVE THE ABILITY TO CAPTURE! YOU. WILL. BE. DEFEATED.
All I hear is "Ghost Pokemon thattaway".
Since we're here, I was feeling sentimental, so I took Sworkill out of Hell and gave him a "proper burial" or something. REMEMBER THE LOST.
Picture that in your head for a moment. It's really sad.
Sorry, Des. Your name is decent at best.
That's kind of creepy. Onward!
:C
Oh no, not this dick again.
VIDEO FIGHT! Because rival fights are a lot more interesting than gym battles.
And that's all I can do in Lavender for now. It's time to proceed to Celadon!
Something tells me you're about to show me.
I really wouldn't call Clefairy "fluffy" personally...
What? SHACKLES, YOU ARE A KILLING MACHINE. YOU SHOULD BE INCAPABLE OF LOVE.
After Shackles fell in love
then fell asleep, Des had to pop in to clean up.
He just can't stop eating nuts.
Shit. Ruby's in the PC. So I run and grab her and start looking for new teammates!
GROWLITHE! I could use a fire type!
OMNI YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A KILLING MACHINE. He crit and killed the Growlithe in one hit.
TWINS!
Oh. If only they were older...
NERD. I am morally obligated to kick your ass across the playground.
Fine, I'll come back next week, maybe try to knock some sense into you then.
Alright, kid. Lesson 1: non-nerds hop over gates that are in their way.
Naw, but you do look hot and sweaty. Why don't you take some of those clothes off, cool down a bit?
Whatever. DESTRUCTIN
SMASH DIG!
You realize I just stopped your bike simply by being in the way, right? I don't think it could run me down if you tried.
Are we talking Shakespeare or Monty Python?
I feel like I could bribe him just as easily with money, but I guess he can't leave his post and go to the vending machine...
Actually, in the last chem class I took, I got a 100 on my final, thank you very much.
Shit,
another nerd?
I
am playing a game...
New Pokemon time after the underground passage!
DON'T FUCK THIS UP, OMNI.
That's right. I suppose the you
did learn from the beatings last time.
By (perceived) request.
Big man, huh? Threatening the ten-year-old and all.
Solid advice. Don't go broke on booze.
WHAT WONDEROUS DDRINK COULD BE BETTER THAN BOOZE?
(She spiked it with LSD, by the way) Bet that jackass at the checkpoint would
love this.
Oh hey, this room has God in it, apparently.
GOOD MAN.
This is like masturbating to your own hentai. Just stop it before you say something about Agatha.
I'm good, actually. Maybe we should find a hiker who can laugh at you? That would probably make you feel even
more pathetic.
So you're gonna let the child follow in your addiction? You're a dickwad and you deserve what fate handed you.
Team Rocket isn't very good at keeping secrets.
I like how they broadcast in the name of the facility that Team Rocket is involved, and yet the game acts like it's really secret.
I knew I couldn't trust you to do anything useful.
Fun fact: Pokemon is actually symbolic of the slave trade.
It's not even that good of a poster...
Probably a lot more likely since you shouted that.
BIG BOSS?!
Hey, he ran off that way. I wonder if there's something over there...
HOLY SHIT! THIS POSTER'S IMPORTANT?! I wouldn't have guessed considering someone was GUARDING IT.
Still a tad confused as to how the Rocket grunt was able to go through the floor, but whatever.
Ignoring the incredibly conspicuous hideout for now, I decide to participate in the slave trade. GOAL: DRATINI.
So how do I do this? I just buy the coins, except for one set:
DAS RITE. JACKPOT.
FUCK YEAAAAAH.
Because Dratini is a total badass and so is Rabies.
So I had a little money left over and, well...
What the hell? You reserve your slot machine while you eat? THIS MUST BE A WINNAR. Unfortunately, I can't use it... :/
Wait, how did your fat ass get here faster than I did?
I'm only ten, keep that kind of shit away from children!
Dammit, at least have the courtesy to look at me while I kick your asses.
He actually looks like he might be related to you. You should get that checked out.
Sure, if cutting down a tree counts as "effort."
It can't be that secret. I ran into three people on the way in. That's like all of Pallet Town!
Sex?
Oh.
Wow, that the best you got? Well, at least they got rid of the whips these guys used to have. THAT would have been creepy.
SPECIESIST BASTARDS.
...why would you bring the brother?
Now officially the sanest NPC in the game.
Yeah, it is. That
is weir- OH GOD GET YOUR HAND OUT OF YOUR PANTS!
I'm not pretty enough for your gym?
Rough and dirty, that's how I like it.
Oh hey, an NPC that's actually kind of attractive...
THAT'S IT FOR NOW. TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR ERICA'S GYM!