Dognapalm
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Post by Dognapalm on Jun 2, 2008 15:46:51 GMT -5
Yeah, sorta messed up the poll sorry guys. If I didn't put you in the story ask me about being in the next chapter, I will try to include as many people as possible. DISCLAIMER: I WILL TAKE NO RESPONSIBLITY IF THIS STORY GIVES YOU AIDS, CANCER OR ANY OTHER DISEASE THAT CAUSES MUCH LULZ. ALSO THIS STORY CONTAINS A LARGE AMOUNT OF DIALOUGE SO LEAVE NOW IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
Part one: The last survivor
It was a normal day, Rado was looking down at his cereal. He was bored. He felt there was nothing interesting in life. Suddenly a news report flashed on his TV.
"Police are still investigating the cause of the earthquake last week, this is a quite unusual case as no one was harmed despite being predicted as an 8.8. The epicenter is toward Ankali street. We now return to Power Puff Girls".
Rado slung his school bag over his shoulder. He had a Tier on Chemistry that day which he wasn't looking forward to. He then stepped outside and shut his door.
After about 5 minutes he noticed that people were running past him. "Hey, what's..." "Why are you..." No one answered, the crowd ignored the existence of Rado completely. Rado continued to walk agianst the crowd and drew his blades.
All of a sudden, the sky went dark and everything went quiet. All the lights turned on. In the center of the city there was a glow of light. Rado walked closer closer towards the light. "You should turn around" said a mysterious voice. "Who...who are you?" No one answered "SHOW YOURSELF" A black blob formed from the ground up into a humaniod figure.
Rado charged at the figure with his blades. The figure dodged and tore off one of his blades. The figure pinned Rado to the ground. "You're good,You managed to avoid me for 16 years" "Wha... What do you mean?" Rado eyed a purple disc on the man's waist "You think you're normal Rado?" "I AM normal" "O RLY?""What about those blades on your hands?" " Th... that was an accident. I happened when I was young" " No. Those blades weren't caused by an accident. It was a virus called Racrateen, you are special Rado. You're the one of the only five people who ever existed to have this. The others all died at birth because of this virus" "You're immune to it" "And in order to keep the public safe, I'm terminating you." The man pulled out a gun and pointed it to Rado's head. Out of desperation Rado pulled the Purple disc off the mans waist and activated it. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" the man said
Rado blacked out.
When he woke up he saw nothing but white. "W... Where am I?" "You're in the white void said someone behind him"
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Post by Balto-Boy on Jun 2, 2008 16:27:03 GMT -5
Daymn.... I's liking this thus far.
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Post by rabiesisme on Jun 3, 2008 11:47:08 GMT -5
Wow. Short.
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Dognapalm
Lurker
[M0n:500]
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Posts: 112
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Post by Dognapalm on Jun 3, 2008 11:50:59 GMT -5
Yeah didn't really have much for part 2. I'll either add moar to that part or add it to part 3
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Post by bulet on Jun 3, 2008 11:53:18 GMT -5
Cool!
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Post by rabiesisme on Jun 3, 2008 11:54:18 GMT -5
Yeah didn't really have much for part 2. I'll either add moar to that part or add it to part 3 Add it to part 3. Just make all of your chapters longer overall. Also, write it in past tense only. "Rado put s his hand in front of Bulet and grows grew a blade out of his skin."
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Post by SwordKill on Jun 3, 2008 12:51:51 GMT -5
Eh... I don't know. The dialogue is real confusing.
Only start a new line when it is a different character.
like this:
"MY name is Jimmy. I like football" "My name is Arnold. I like politics"
not like this:
"My name is Jimmy" "I like football" "My name is Arnold" "I like politics"
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Dognapalm
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Post by Dognapalm on Jun 4, 2008 11:10:25 GMT -5
Also, write it in past tense only. "Rado put s his hand in front of Bulet and grows grew a blade out of his skin." Fixed that, I'm not that good with tenses. Eh... I don't know. The dialogue is real confusing. Only start a new line when it is a different character. like this: "MY name is Jimmy. I like football" "My name is Arnold. I like politics" not like this: "My name is Jimmy" "I like football" "My name is Arnold" "I like politics" I fixed that, if it helps to read it.
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Post by rabiesisme on Jun 4, 2008 11:53:31 GMT -5
Also, write it in past tense only. "Rado put s his hand in front of Bulet and grows grew a blade out of his skin." Fixed that, I'm not that good with tenses. I had the same problem with the first chapter of The Purge. Most of it was past tense, but some was present. I sent it to Grimscott before posting it and she pointed it out. Never made that same mistake again. Unless.. of course... I did but missed it while proofreading. It'll come naturally soon enough.
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Post by McJesus on Jun 4, 2008 11:54:23 GMT -5
..that poll will be on this thread forever now.
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Post by bulet on Jun 4, 2008 11:56:23 GMT -5
..that poll will be on this thread forever now. Sad, really...
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Dognapalm
Lurker
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Post by Dognapalm on Jun 4, 2008 12:16:36 GMT -5
Part two: A newcomer Approacheth
"What did you say?" Rado asked "You're in the white void" "Looks...white..." The man offered to help Rado up, he instead shrugged him off and got up himself. "The name's Rado by the way" "Bulet" "So , uh...what do you do for fun around here" "We try to kill each other" "Umm...yeah..." "Don't worry It's not like you can die or anything;well you can die...but you respawn when you do!" "Anyway, what's your power?" "Power?" "You know can you make peoples heads asplode, spawn stuff, a furry?" "I guess I can make metal grow out of my skin.." Rado put his hand if front of Bulet and grown a blade out of his skin "Interesting power you got there" Bulet turned around and laughed to himself "D=,Wait how did I say D=?" "No...I was...uh...laughing at a funny joke someone told me" "Indeed..." "Anyway, let me show you to the crew"
"So, what's everyone like then?" Rado asked "It depends...some of them are pretty cools guys eh, but then again some can be total asses..."Bulet replied Rado spotted a grey bunker. "Is that where everyone is?"Rado pointed to the bunker "That's where we all stay, for now, but a city is under construction. Consider it as a temporary home" "lolkay"
Bulet knocked on the door three times, paused and knocked again. "Password?" Said a voice from inside "Kev, you know It's me..." Bulet replied "No I don't. Password?" "Fine. P3N0R" "That is incorrect" "Kev, just let me in..." "Just joking, come in!"
"I despise you, Kev" Bulet said coldly "I know" Kev smiled "Who's the new guy?" Asked a blonde haired haired man. "His name's Rado, ProDuce" "Interesting name, nice to meet you" Rado shook ProDuce's hand. Rado's hand started to burn, so he pulled it away. "OUCH" Rado screamed. "Oops, I left my SheildGen on" Rado put his hand in his mouth to cool it down "So what's your power?" ProDuce asked "He can retract two blades on his hands at will."Bulet said Rado demonstrated by flicking his knife up. "And he can shove his fist in his mouth, I just learned..." Rado pulled his fist out. "So what's your powers?" "I can spawn shields and clone myself with these things on my arms. If you come into contact with them you burn, as you just found out..." "Kev here has a sword"Bulet told Rado. "I TOLD YOU I HAVE THE POWER OF AWESOMENESS"Kev shouted. "Of course you do. And I can summon penicorns. Anyway, I can spawn weapons Bulet spawned a pistol out of thin air. "Here you go. Consider it as an initiation present." Bulet gave the gun to Rado. Rado examined it and put it in his pocket. "I would of thought there was more peopel here"Rado stated "There is. They're out fighting"
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Post by bulet on Jun 4, 2008 13:04:43 GMT -5
AWESOME!
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Post by kevmcg1 on Jun 4, 2008 13:11:56 GMT -5
At least someone recognises my supreme powers of awesomeness.
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Post by bulet on Jun 4, 2008 13:12:32 GMT -5
At least someone recognises my supreme powers of awesomeness. Yeah, you.
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Post by kevmcg1 on Jun 4, 2008 13:13:15 GMT -5
At least someone recognises my supreme powers of awesomeness. Yeah, you. Yeah, me.
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Dognapalm
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Post by Dognapalm on Jun 4, 2008 13:32:40 GMT -5
Good for you! Also I need a better name for the story. Suggestions?
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ProDuce
Guv'na
The Producer[M0n:-5]
Bow Before The Cloning, Nature Loving, Cell Generating Team Trio!
Posts: 1,250
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Post by ProDuce on Jun 4, 2008 14:35:53 GMT -5
WOOOP IM IN A MOTHER FUCKING STORY!!!! TAKE THAT BIATCHS!!!!
... ahem... ok im good now ;D
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Dognapalm
Lurker
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Post by Dognapalm on Jun 4, 2008 17:05:47 GMT -5
Yeah, I'm trying to include peopel who aren't usually in fan-fics but this was set BEFORE the brawl was reborn so I can't use newcomers...yet.
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Post by RobotKilla on Jun 4, 2008 18:46:11 GMT -5
Yeah, I'm trying to include peopel who aren't usually in fan-fics but this was set BEFORE the brawl was reborn so I can't use newcomers...yet. I've been in the NG thread since pg 9 but officially used my character on page 12. I still ain't in the majority of FanFics! The one's I'm in, I'm just an outcast. The only significant part I had was in Balto's Zombie Nation And I was there for, what, five sentences? I FEEL SO UNLOVED!!!!
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Hat Salesman
Hero
Hey hey mama, said the way you move[M0n:-6104]
Well, hello there.
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Post by Hat Salesman on Jun 4, 2008 18:49:57 GMT -5
Ah, balls. I came in to this forum two months ago...
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Dognapalm
Lurker
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Post by Dognapalm on Jun 5, 2008 10:01:30 GMT -5
FEEL SO UNLOVED!!!! You just had to ask! I'll include you in part three Also, Playa I am making the story stretch out from the (near) beginning of the brawl to the present so newcomers WILL (eventually) be included.
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Post by McJesus on Jun 5, 2008 10:09:44 GMT -5
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Dognapalm
Lurker
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Post by Dognapalm on Jun 5, 2008 11:46:27 GMT -5
I'll colour the speech this time to make it easier to read
LimeGreen:Rado Red: Bulet Orange: Kev Blue: ProDuce Pink:MVG
Part Three: Thinking with portals
Rado, Kev, Bulet and ProDuce left the bunker in search of the other brawlers. "Kev aren't you going to lock the door?"Bulet reminded "Why? No one's going to try and break in, the only stuff we have is a few chairs, a table, some beds and last month's nintendo power" "Just do it Kev..." "JEEZ FINE!" Kev locks the door "So...where are we going?" "We're going to brawl point, to see the other brawlers and perhaps teach you a little about brawling" "How do you know where we're going if the whole place is one colour?" "It's actually a different shade of white, it's a little darker. It's a perty special place as It's where we all warped here" "So how DID you guys get here?" "We're not actually sure, we were all seperately in Newgrounds city" "I think I went there on holiday once" "Anyway, a black hole appeared and it sucked us all in, now we're here" "But, the real question is why are YOU here. Everyone here right now came at the same time. Except for you." "...Well I'm not really sure what happened...anyway some guy was trying to kill me so I stole a disc from him and next thing I knew I was here" Rado shows everyone the disc. "That disc...It goes on MVG's gun. He'll be pretty pleased if he can get the portal gun to work again..." "Portal gun? Do you think that's why I got here?"
"It could be possible. It WAS on MVG's gun after all... "But the real question is, what was that guy doing with a piece of MVG's portal gun? There is only one in existence which HE has."
"Anyway, we're here" Rado noticed two people fighting and one person watching. "Okay, that guy is Rageblood. He has nearly as much guns as Bulet. Also don't piss him off." "And the guy wearing the green bandanna?" "That's Robotkilla he has electrical attacks, he also wears a green bandanna which looks really ghey." "Comming from the person WEARING a bandanna" "Yeah but It's red not green" Bulet, Rado and Produce facepalm. "And the guy watching?" "That's MVG, you'd better give him his missing piece"
Rado walks over to MVG. "Hey MVG!" "Yes? Wait, who are you?" "I have a present for you" Rado shows MVG the disc. "Ah, where did you find this" "On a guys waist" MVG shouts to everyone "Hey! Did you guys steal this?" "No! Not them! I found it before I came here" "So, there is other people here..."
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Post by kevmcg1 on Jun 5, 2008 11:50:04 GMT -5
Lol, I'm such an asshat in this story! EXCELLENT! =D
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Undeadlaw
Master
Fuck you all..
I Think I Have A Drinking Problem..
Posts: 932
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Post by Undeadlaw on Jun 5, 2008 12:14:06 GMT -5
Loving it pal great so far . Would love to see me pop up in here some time in the future.
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Post by bulet on Jun 5, 2008 12:15:57 GMT -5
Cool, love the story so far. ;D
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Post by RobotKilla on Jun 5, 2008 17:29:14 GMT -5
My headband is NOT gay! Besides, I'm using Scorpion as my main character thank you very much.
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Dognapalm
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Post by Dognapalm on Jun 6, 2008 10:49:32 GMT -5
Sorry guys. Fate has decided to break my computer, so It''ll be a while till I post part 4. It get's interesting after part 3.
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ProDuce
Guv'na
The Producer[M0n:-5]
Bow Before The Cloning, Nature Loving, Cell Generating Team Trio!
Posts: 1,250
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Post by ProDuce on Jun 6, 2008 12:08:01 GMT -5
My headband is NOT gay! Besides, I'm using Scorpion as my main character thank you very much. i think that was nitro, not you. Sorry guys. Fate has decided to break my computer, so It''ll be a while till I post part 4. It get's interesting after part 3. Woop! looking forward to it!
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