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Post by drychris1337 on Apr 18, 2009 3:13:24 GMT -5
Speaker: DryChris Sorry for grammer errors...but no one's perfect. IntroductionIt was very late as I woke up from the hotel I was staying in. I still could hear Danny smacking a prosistute's face, Vlad and Sinclair arguing about something completely moronic and Dave getting wasted and moaning in pain. To no longer hear bitching, bickering and whining, I decided to stroll around the city...I never did see downtown SPB City. I've heard so much about it...and tonight was the night I would be able to see it with my own eyes. Chapter 1 - Santiva the Lunatic I entered to see the city. It was just reeking of death and cheap cheese. As I kept going...the scenery improved until I saw something truly majestic. It was like I had seen Atlantis and Heaven somewhat morphed with Las Vegas and New York. My stomach was grumbling and I wanted to get a morsel of chocolate cake. But then, out of nowhere, a stick with a broken halo and weird hollow eyes appeared in front of me. "Hallo!", said the stick. "I'm Santiva, freind of X and smoth drawer." "Hello...Mr. Santiva...", I replied as I saw a creepy glare in his eyes. His language was vast...but filled with errors. "...if you'll excuse me, Mr. Santiva, I would like to get some chocolate cake from the bakery." "You'l have to get thruogh me fisrt!" He stood in a position that just didn't seem like he was going to fight me. Then...these tentacles appear and start wrapping around his legs. Then they proceed to wrap around me. I then shielded myself with my halo in hopes that I wouldn't get killed. Luckily for me, I survived. Santiva then started to get mad and kicked me in the chest. I fell to the ground and then shot him 5 times with my master hands. out of the five bullets, two only hit him. He got furious and swung a punch to me. I dodged the fist and then grabbed his arm, thus throwing him to the ground. "Ur...Ur...Ur geting on mai nervs!!" ,Santiva said as he got up and uppercutted me. I crashed onto the ground, damaged. I started to cough blood. I then got back up and wiped my face that was covered with dust and gravel. As I got up, I gave a sneaky smile and flipped the bird at him as a bomb flew out and hit him. he then rolled and finally landed into an open manhole. "HELP!!! HELP ME!!!" , The lunatic shouted. I decided to lend a hand and I picked him up and threw him to the ground. "OW! Why did u doo that??" "You were being a neanderthal, now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna get me some cake." "Hey dude..." Santiva said, "you're alright. I'll c u later." He proceeded to get up off the boardwalk and walked away into another building. Chapter 2: McJesus, the guy in the 33th floorI had just finshed my cake and headed on to Balto-Boy Blvd where I saw Carlos El Santo VII, sitting down with a sad face. "What's wrong Carlos? You can't be hurt because you don't look injured." "Nothin' man. It's just a guy on the thirty-third floor stole my tequila. I really want my liquor back." "Why can't you buy a new bottle?" "The dick also took my money. Please man...get my booze back!" ,Carlos whined as I walked into the building. I then got on the elevator and pressed the 33th floor button. Once I got to the 33th floor, I saw but one door open in front of me. as i walked in I saw another stick with another broken halo wasted as hell in a very bad shape. He was looking at me, with a cigarette stuck between his teeth. "What the fuck do you want?", the disgruntled stick snarled. "Are you..." "Yes I'm McJesus...now what the fuck do you want?" "Apparently you stole a friend of mine's booze. May I please have it back to give it to my bud?" "Listen f*ckface!" ,he snapped as he grabbed my neck and threw me to a broken windowsill, "I haven't had a drop of booze in a month...so I'm gonna f*cking keep this. Now fuck off!". I was breathing heavily as he was pushing me down to the streets. I clenched my fist and punched him as hard as I could. I then ran to the elevator as fast as I could as McJesus ran to me with a broken bottle of tequila in his hand. The doors closed and I found myself safe as the floors dropped. Then, all of a sudden, the lift got stuck and the emergency exit opened as a hand pulled my hand on top the elevator. "Bastard!", McJesus said as he stabbed me with the tequila bottle. I coughed blood on his face and kicked him to the other side as I reached for a grenade. As I bit the key off, McJesus shot a laser at me making me drop the grenade into the elevator box. I grabbed McJesus and swung him into the elevator shaft and covered the exit. The grenade went off and the elevator fell down. Everything seemed ok so I climbed up the rope and tried to open the elevator doors on the 4th floor. But McJesus blew me off, opening the doors and making me fall 3 stories. "You really have some nerve. I should call my other 32 guys to kick your f*cking ass!" he smurked as he shot another laser at me. I moved away from the laser, kicked him off balance and climbed the rope, entering the 4th floor. I gave him the middle finger 3 times as 3 F Bombs fell down on him and clobbered him throwing him skyhigh. I saw a rooftop and jumped on it for the thrill. Chapter 3: Shackles1 the armory bearer
and
Chapter 4: Balto-Boy is not a fighting chance...but McJesus sure is
are next on the list to be continued... |
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Post by Gront on Apr 18, 2009 4:14:44 GMT -5
Sorry for grammer errors...but no one's perfect. Yeah, but almost everyone has access to spell check. You did alright on word spellings overall, but "prositute" and "smoth" were kinda sloppy... Watch yourself. I rage edited Zarth's story once...Anyways, your chapters were a bit short, but that's totally fine cause you have two of them at once. It's too early of tell whether or not I like the story, but I've got confidence in you, so it should be good. |
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Post by drychris1337 on Apr 18, 2009 4:26:04 GMT -5
Sorry for grammer errors...but no one's perfect. Yeah, but almost everyone has access to spell check. You did alright on word spellings overall, but "prositute" and "smoth" were kinda sloppy... Watch yourself. I rage edited Zarth's story once...Anyways, your chapters were a bit short, but that's totally fine cause you have two of them at once. It's too early of tell whether or not I like the story, but I've got confidence in you, so it should be good. the prosistute was a small error. The smoth was to portray that Santiva can't spell and I just found the spell check button. Fantastic. The next two will come...eventually |
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Post by Grimscott on Apr 18, 2009 10:14:53 GMT -5
McJesus doesn't swear. Or act like that at all.
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Post by drychris1337 on Apr 18, 2009 14:22:49 GMT -5
McJesus doesn't swear. Or act like that at all. Well...who does? I thought he did. Crap. I guess in the next chapter I could make McJesus more calm and ___________ Anyone got a word to desribe McJesus....besides god or better than me....that in a way is obvious. |
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Post by McJesus on Apr 19, 2009 2:48:13 GMT -5
McJesus would help you out if you needed help, smack you around if you deserved it and spar with you if you're a good sport.
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Post by drychris1337 on Apr 19, 2009 3:49:22 GMT -5
Chapter 3: Shackles1 the armory bearerAs I jumped onto another rooftop a grenade appeared out of nowhere. It was a super grenade. I saw it and ran as fast as I could. Then more and more super grenades appeared and soon I found that the building that I landed on was collapsing. I saw a glass roof cover and jumped inside (which was a retarded move) and jumped down to the bottom floor. It was a tough blow but the worst was soon to come. Parts of the roof fell down on me. After a while, the structure collapsed and I barely could feel my body. I then saw a hot balloon, packed with super grenades and dynamite sticks come down on the ruins of the edifice. I saw a kid a teenager come out with a smile on his face. "You nut job! You nearly massacred me!", I contorted. All of a sudden he got really sad...and then angry. He shot a bunch of red balls of plasma and fire at me and I got lucky to dodge every single one. I saw a construction site near the crashed building and ran to a lift. I got up to the 5th floor and saw a hammer lying near a cement mixer. as I reached for the hammer, the teen got up to my floor and threw me into the cement mixer. I got off and smashed him on the head. "Who the hell are you?" I quirked as I took the hammer out of his head. "I'm shackles1 and I'm the armory bearer. I have a whole shitload of weapons. I was sent by someone to destroy the building since it was a waste of money. Now...I must defend myself from you killing me." he responded as he got out a pistol and shot me 5 times. I got hit and then fell down into a metal melter. The heat froze sped up the process of drying the cement. I had to grab the hammer and break my head off the cement cube. Once my head got free, shackles1 grabbed a nail gun and tried to shoot me in the head. I got ahold of the nail gun, nailed him to the girder and threw a haduken to him. "You really are a confusing chap. Now tell me. Why are you doing this?" I asked. "Because...the person who called told me 'kill anyone who stops you from bombing the buildings I want you to bomb.' You now have to pay the price, you f*cking moron!" He replied and made his hand glow red. He create a beam of hot plasma and launched it at me. I jumped to dodge the beam, climbed to another girder and tried to look for another weapon. I then found a drill and climbed back down. "Look mac! You better stop trying to kill me. I came here to enjoy the city...not to fight! so leave me the fuck alone!" "O.K...I will....say...you wanna grab something?" "O.K" I sighed as I got of the construction site and walked into a mall where I saw him... Chapter 4: Balto-Boy is not a fighting chance...but McJesus sure isI saw Balto-Boy...the god of all that was SPB World. I felt like testing the rumor that just trying to hit him guaranteed a fail. I threw an F Bomb at him and then he nuke fisted the bomb and the explosion knocked me back thirty feet. "Holy shit!" I said, "Mr. Balto, it is a..." "You!", yelled a familiar voice. Then I saw a chuckling stick looking at me like he was going to murder me. "McJesus...but..but.." "I survived the blast. Hahaha! I saw you jump on that other building rooftop...so I called the armory bearer to destroy the other building. I made it seem as though I was the neighborhood's landlord. I thought I had killed you. Oh well...I'll kill you along with my Bizzaro side." he maniacally snarled as another McJesus appeared behind him and attacked me. Then someone appeared in front of me. "Good evening, old fellow!" this guy snickered as he turned around so I could see him. "Antierror DryChris?" "Hehehe! I thought you'd recognize me." , he smirked as he started making the mall shake. Balto-Boy was staying back and looking at the fight begin. As the mall kept shaking, McJesus threw explosion after explosion to try and kill me. The mall then started shifting itself and things just started to get even weirder. Earthquakes occurred, the mall started getting into code. Then Antierror DryChris yelled out, "00110001001100001101100111100001010010000010010111000101000000111110001010010101010101000111001010101101001111010010100100101." The ground cracked and Bizzaro McJesus got sucked in. Everything then calmed itself down. McJesus got really annoyed and stated to destroy me with explosion after explosion. I kept jumping, sliding, dodging, dancing , ducking and climbing up tables and counter tops in the mall. I saw a Walmart nearby and rolled in. When I returned I had a magnum in one hand, three smoke grenades in a belt, and a small pistol in the other hand. "Motherf*cker...get ready to die!" I scowled as I bit the key off a grenade. I threw the grenade and surely enough, the whole 3 meter radius was covered in thick gray smoke. I then shot him with the magnum. As the smoke cleared up I found him weak and frozen on the floor. I had just shot the cigarette off his mouth. i took the chance to shoot him with my small pistol twice on the head. I then saw the ground open up as Bizzaro McJesus flew to the sky. "I'll be back for round 2!", Antierror DryChris said as he teleported his way out of the room. I kept walking away from these bizarre situations...but more was soon to come.
Chapter 5: Time Rewind
Chapter 6: Do NOT annoy Grimscott
Chapter 7: NEVER call grent boy
Chapter 8: Zombies, a flying bunny, and Madvideogamer...confusion ensues
A winner is you - Get bonusYou earned a bonus "I'll be back for..." "Stop writing the story like that!" - McJesus "Agreed." - shackles1 "Wait...what are you doing with that golf club that is randomly inside this room?" after an hour or 2 "Al...alrig.....alright. I'll be more care..ah ah ah I mean more aware on the personalities."
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Post by McJesus on Apr 19, 2009 3:58:23 GMT -5
I am really confused.
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Post by drychris1337 on Apr 19, 2009 4:00:27 GMT -5
Suprised? |
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Post by McJesus on Apr 19, 2009 4:14:12 GMT -5
Well considering McJesus is acting completley out of character, yeah I'm kind of confused.
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Post by drychris1337 on Apr 19, 2009 4:22:35 GMT -5
Well considering McJesus is acting completley out of character, yeah I'm kind of confused. Responses....loading... a) "This is a fanfic, so that's why it should be a bit out of character" b) "I should have asked you first...sorry." c) "Look...a bird!" d) "Are you working on the grudge with me, shackles1, Grimscott and you?" Final answer:  |
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Post by Shackles on Apr 19, 2009 12:04:37 GMT -5
I thought we met when I solved the first situations on newgrounds D: Edit: And my main character doesn't really even use weapons, so it wouldn't make sense if he was an 'armory bearer'....  |
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Post by McJesus on Apr 19, 2009 12:06:35 GMT -5
a) "This is a fanfic, so that's why it should be a bit out of character" It's not just 'a bit out of character', it's bastardization of what McJ is. |
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Post by Grimscott on Apr 19, 2009 12:16:49 GMT -5
a) "This is a fanfic, so that's why it should be a bit out of character" It's not just 'a bit out of character', it's bastardization of what McJ is.
Chapter 5: Do NOT annoy Grimscott
Well now I'm just scared. |
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Post by drychris1337 on Apr 19, 2009 22:35:17 GMT -5
Chapter 5: Time Rewind
The ground started to shake violently and then...Antierror DryChris came back.
"Just so you know old bean, I doubt you actually found McJesus drunk and shackles1 with a grenade." , He chuckled as I was thrown back into time for a reason unknown to me. Once I returned to the room at the 33rd floor. There I saw my real-time side get into the room. Once I looked closer...it wasn't McJesus. It was just some drunkie wanting some attention that had his halo broken and his eyes tattooed.
"Hey! Drunkie! Come back! I need to beat you down! My name should never be taken in vain!" , another stick was saying as he climbed up a ladder and entered through the window. At the same time, the real-time side and the fake McJesus were at the elevator.
"Are you McJesus?"
"Of course I am. You'd expect me to be rude like that drunkard?" ,he said as he slapped me across the face. "You must be a very confused newbie. May I recommend the newbie cafe?"
"Err...sure I guess." I said as I climbed down the ladder and searched for the newbie cafe. I then found it and entered inside as I saw another shackles1 sitting there drinking a Pepsi.
"Why hello there? Who might you be?"
"I'm DryChris..."
"DryChris...I've never seen you in SPB City before. This is the first time I actually see you. I have talked with you in NG. You're cool"
"Same could be said about you. I saw another guy like you. you know him?"
"Oh...he's Pheanx. He just bought a new mask that looks like me and decided to stroll around like I'm the armory bearer. I don't have any weapons on me. I'm just a carefree teenager is all."
"Well...I'll be seeing you later on." I said as I walked away as my real-time side finished fighting with the faker McJesus. As I walked up to him, I then tripped and then morphed with him...which just made things more confusing.
Chapter 6: Do NOT annoy Grimscott
I think I'm going crazy, I thought to myself as I saw another watchman near a lounge diner and bar.I knew she was a watchwoman because she had a big red badge that indicates that you're a watchman like how when you have a yellow badge ,you're the creator or master modder. Well more like watchwoman. I tried not to be sexist and laugh to the fact that she's a watchwoman, but the more I held it in, the more I felt like laughing. I just then bursted out laughing and saying "You're a watchwoman! HA! I highly doubt that!"
"What did you say?" she said as she slapped me across the face, swinging me back 10 feet. I dazed out and then came back to my senses.
"Pardon me, lady. I just had gotten into a whole shitload of weird stuff. I didn't mean to laugh at a watchman...err I mean woman...watchwoman." I quivered as I sat down on one of the bar stools.
"Oh...well sorry on my part too. I just get a bit protective...but that comment and constant laughter was really uncalled for. I'm Grimscott."
"Well, Grimscott...I'm new here so I don't know how things work around here?"
"You're new....well let me just say that you're for a hell of a ride! Everyone here will make sense as you enter ever crevice you could you find. The Brawl-Mart is here to help you when you enter the grudge stadium. You can also create your own battles. Here you need to understand your surroundings and they'll cope with you. Now get out of here...you need to see the rest the city has to offer. I recommended seeing grent on Blaze St. and Red Av. for more information and perhaps training with him." , she said. Then I got off the bar stool and walked away to the cold cool aired city ways.
BONUS!!
"Hey..."
"What?"
(whack)
"Make me funnier, bitch!"
Reason for Editing: bonus
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Post by Yacazuma on Apr 19, 2009 22:37:31 GMT -5
You forgot the part where I stab you when you laughed.
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Post by McJesus on Apr 19, 2009 22:39:33 GMT -5
 at actual McJesus.  at Grim. She's not hilarious enough. |
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Post by drychris1337 on Apr 19, 2009 22:41:39 GMT -5
I think I need her material to make it better
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Post by Yacazuma on Apr 19, 2009 22:51:30 GMT -5
I have a fanfic of your fanfic!
I tried not to be sexist and laugh to the fact that she's a watchwoman, but the more I held it in, the more I felt like laughing. I just then bursted out laughing and saying "You're a watchwoman! HA! I highly doubt that!" I then felt an extreme stinging sensation, as though I had been stabbed. I looked downward the found that I had. There was a long katana protruding from my stomach. Engraved in the now blood covered sword was the word 'ban'. Before I lost consciousness I heard a cold, quiet voice saying, "You don't fuck with Grimmy..."
I kid. I kid.
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Kromax
Landlord
Why are you reading this?[M0n:-2167]
Six pronged dick
Posts: 1,206
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Post by Kromax on Apr 19, 2009 22:54:05 GMT -5
I have a fanfic of your fanfic! I tried not to be sexist and laugh to the fact that she's a watchwoman, but the more I held it in, the more I felt like laughing. I just then bursted out laughing and saying "You're a watchwoman! HA! I highly doubt that!" I then felt an extreme stinging sensation, as though I had been stabbed. I looked downward the found that I had. There was a long katana protruding from my stomach. Engraved in the now blood covered sword was the word 'ban'. Before I lost consciousness I heard a cold, quiet voice saying, "You don't fuck with Grimmy..." I kid. I kid. I honestly think you are now ready to swing your ban hammer sword |
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Post by McJesus on Apr 19, 2009 22:55:41 GMT -5
Don't kid! That was good! |
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Post by drychris1337 on Apr 19, 2009 22:59:49 GMT -5
great....I have been made into a failure. Congrats...
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Post by Yacazuma on Apr 19, 2009 23:05:00 GMT -5
great....I have been made into a failure. Congrats... Don't take it seriously, buddy. I was just kidding. |
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Post by drychris1337 on Apr 19, 2009 23:07:46 GMT -5
sorry...just really tired and lazy....and cranky
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Post by Grimscott on Apr 21, 2009 17:39:13 GMT -5
For the record, if I had a badge, it would totally say "Sheriff".
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Post by McJesus on Apr 21, 2009 18:46:30 GMT -5
If I had a badge, it would say "If you can read this you're about to get b&."
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Post by Grimscott on Apr 21, 2009 18:50:17 GMT -5
If I had a badge, it would say "If you can read this you're about to get b&." And in even smaller lettering below it "HOPE YOU GOT 10 BUX"  |
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Post by Balto-Boy on Apr 21, 2009 19:38:42 GMT -5
Well, I just read all 6 of those chapters and, uh... not to be mean or anything, but I don't really like it so far. It just seems to me that everything is a bit rushed and there isn't a whole bunch of story behind it. It's basically a ton of fighting, but I suppose that's what SPB is all about.
So, basically, not a big fan so far. I'll stick around, though. See what's up.
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Post by drychris1337 on Apr 21, 2009 20:01:50 GMT -5
Well, I just read all 6 of those chapters and, uh... not to be mean or anything, but I don't really like it so far. It just seems to me that everything is a bit rushed and there isn't a whole bunch of story behind it. It's basically a ton of fighting, but I suppose that's what SPB is all about. So, basically, not a big fan so far. I'll stick around, though. See what's up. I guess I could get someone to help with the fanfic. Like a editor...besides, I have a different fan-fic that focuses on my characters in an abandoned SPB city. but I know I'm not doing my best...I should think more on story besides fighting. I should also not rush it. Thank you, O mighty Balto-boy! |
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Post by Balto-Boy on Apr 21, 2009 20:25:45 GMT -5
but I know I'm not doing my best...I should think more on story besides fighting. I should also not rush it. There ya go! That's the spirit, old bean! Thank you, O mighty Balto-boy! ...the "O mighty" thing is a bit much, but you're welcome all the same. |
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[M0n:50]
at actual McJesus.
at Grim. She's not hilarious enough.
