Post by Kyon on Aug 24, 2011 16:05:42 GMT -5
Why does every old SPB member feel the need to give some dramatic speech about their thoughts on this place, inform everyone they're leaving, or otherwise be a dickwad about it and bust someone's chops as the reason for their departure?
...For me, it's because this place is like Toonami - it just took a huge chunk of your childhood and you feel like you need to talk to it for five minutes to get any form of closure. This really isn't addressed to anyone in particular, it's more like an Ode to SPB despite not at all resembling an ode.
...Being a writer, I also enjoy wasting my audience's time with long, drawn-out, wordy, and somewhat deep rants and monologues rather than just telling you I used to really love this place but I don't so much anymore and I had ulterior motives in this place but never got to them and now I feel really sad that this place is becoming less active but I'm doing nothing about it except ranting about how little I did for the place anyway... *breath*
...Okay okay - fine! Spawner did this, Produce did this, and damn it, I wanted to fit in! OKAAAAY!
*grumble*
I remember back when I was still reading this in shock. I was very, very young back then. I was just getting out of my "Dragonball Z is the best show ever" stage and I'm disgusted that I knew about Newgrounds at that age. I lurked, I discovered, I played along here for such a long time. In truth, this place really doesn't look or feel the way it used to except for in my memories - there's less people, there's less activity, there's less blatant faggotry, there's less arguing. Those who actually had any committment toward each other are keeping in touch through game accounts, Skype, or live near each other.
Maybe it was too good to last. I don't know, I really shouldn't be so attached but maybe it's just because I developed one of those invisible sentimental bonds with this place because I was so little when I came here. Even when I thought I was done, when I said I was finished, I ended up drawing a little bit more. I still use MSpaint, mainly for devious purposes, and my dedication towards improving or getting a talent to make things easier is all but almost gone. I even formed something of a reputation of just being batshit, nonsensical, and unorganized - all traits I felt would stick with me as I got older but they just... didn't.
I made ridiculous, unsavory "relationships" with people I'd never met, only talked to. I tried turnng someone into a "mentor", another into a "rival", and eventually, even into a "student". When I left for a little while, I felt I'd come back to this site being on life support and Balto giving me the key to the city since no one else cared. And yet you, SPB, you just wouldn't stop. You'd keep breathing, it was like you'd kept the jaws of life clamped on that gaping hole in your chest just to keep all of the people in. It was inconceivably selfish of me to think I would one day take over this place once my artistic skill had improved to the level of McJesus or Taylor, or heck, even MadVideoGamer.
I had rare spouts of "creative passion" where some of my drawings would come out as rational, pretty, some I even thought were pretty decent considering it was coming from me. I felt everyone was getting to serious about their drawing and that SPB should remain simple and stagnant, but no matter how hard I tried, we kept moving forward. I plotted against this site many times with fellows I shall not name, I played my karma against it, hoping that one day I could create my own SPB and bring a new generation into the fall. Yes, I was just that methodical and obsessive back then. I thought I could rule the world through the computer one time, and then the real world bit back at me.
Despite all my grievances and all of the curious things I said or did, I can't really complain. I really should admit I didn't do much here nor did I contribute anything meaningful; once I was scolded or felt scolded I retreated into the shadows and lurked here to see what would happen, popping out to play the moralistic third-party, enjoying conflict and taking sides whenever it benefitted me. I guess, in a way, I'm kind of a sick person.
As to why I'm so anime-fueled ... I've watched a lot of anime ever since I was young and whether I like it or not - it's a part of me. SSJ3 Otaku is written all over my soul, anime taught me more and turned me into a kinder, gentler, and far more confused person than most of my peers. With that and my family, I feel like I would be on the streets or causing trouble of some sort, acting out and getting into fights if I hadn't taken this path of anime philosophy. But it wasn't just anime, it was the message the anime spread, the ideals and goals of the characters that the internet allowed me to research. I can tell it affected me, because unlike all those in my age group, I can stand to watch and learn from it, while my friends don't take much heed in "Japanesey stuff" and prefer to watch football and the like.
So like SPB was somehow a huge part of that, or at least, every time I see this site it reminds me of that. How I grew up and one largely affected it. I wanted to say thank you for all that, but the website itself is inanimate. I only considered this, what may be my most genuinely mature post here ever, when I saw the dwindling user count at the bottom. I knew it was in decline and would continue, but dropping down to this - just made me feel really nostalgic.
So if I end up never coming here again in a week or more or we all head our seperate ways, then I'd just like to say as a young adult that I will never forget this place. It's been a huge inspiration and one of the many happy times in my life I can remember.
...For me, it's because this place is like Toonami - it just took a huge chunk of your childhood and you feel like you need to talk to it for five minutes to get any form of closure. This really isn't addressed to anyone in particular, it's more like an Ode to SPB despite not at all resembling an ode.
...Being a writer, I also enjoy wasting my audience's time with long, drawn-out, wordy, and somewhat deep rants and monologues rather than just telling you I used to really love this place but I don't so much anymore and I had ulterior motives in this place but never got to them and now I feel really sad that this place is becoming less active but I'm doing nothing about it except ranting about how little I did for the place anyway... *breath*
...Okay okay - fine! Spawner did this, Produce did this, and damn it, I wanted to fit in! OKAAAAY!
*grumble*I remember back when I was still reading this in shock. I was very, very young back then. I was just getting out of my "Dragonball Z is the best show ever" stage and I'm disgusted that I knew about Newgrounds at that age. I lurked, I discovered, I played along here for such a long time. In truth, this place really doesn't look or feel the way it used to except for in my memories - there's less people, there's less activity, there's less blatant faggotry, there's less arguing. Those who actually had any committment toward each other are keeping in touch through game accounts, Skype, or live near each other.
Maybe it was too good to last. I don't know, I really shouldn't be so attached but maybe it's just because I developed one of those invisible sentimental bonds with this place because I was so little when I came here. Even when I thought I was done, when I said I was finished, I ended up drawing a little bit more. I still use MSpaint, mainly for devious purposes, and my dedication towards improving or getting a talent to make things easier is all but almost gone. I even formed something of a reputation of just being batshit, nonsensical, and unorganized - all traits I felt would stick with me as I got older but they just... didn't.
I made ridiculous, unsavory "relationships" with people I'd never met, only talked to. I tried turnng someone into a "mentor", another into a "rival", and eventually, even into a "student". When I left for a little while, I felt I'd come back to this site being on life support and Balto giving me the key to the city since no one else cared. And yet you, SPB, you just wouldn't stop. You'd keep breathing, it was like you'd kept the jaws of life clamped on that gaping hole in your chest just to keep all of the people in. It was inconceivably selfish of me to think I would one day take over this place once my artistic skill had improved to the level of McJesus or Taylor, or heck, even MadVideoGamer.
I had rare spouts of "creative passion" where some of my drawings would come out as rational, pretty, some I even thought were pretty decent considering it was coming from me. I felt everyone was getting to serious about their drawing and that SPB should remain simple and stagnant, but no matter how hard I tried, we kept moving forward. I plotted against this site many times with fellows I shall not name, I played my karma against it, hoping that one day I could create my own SPB and bring a new generation into the fall. Yes, I was just that methodical and obsessive back then. I thought I could rule the world through the computer one time, and then the real world bit back at me.
Despite all my grievances and all of the curious things I said or did, I can't really complain. I really should admit I didn't do much here nor did I contribute anything meaningful; once I was scolded or felt scolded I retreated into the shadows and lurked here to see what would happen, popping out to play the moralistic third-party, enjoying conflict and taking sides whenever it benefitted me. I guess, in a way, I'm kind of a sick person.
As to why I'm so anime-fueled ... I've watched a lot of anime ever since I was young and whether I like it or not - it's a part of me. SSJ3 Otaku is written all over my soul, anime taught me more and turned me into a kinder, gentler, and far more confused person than most of my peers. With that and my family, I feel like I would be on the streets or causing trouble of some sort, acting out and getting into fights if I hadn't taken this path of anime philosophy. But it wasn't just anime, it was the message the anime spread, the ideals and goals of the characters that the internet allowed me to research. I can tell it affected me, because unlike all those in my age group, I can stand to watch and learn from it, while my friends don't take much heed in "Japanesey stuff" and prefer to watch football and the like.
So like SPB was somehow a huge part of that, or at least, every time I see this site it reminds me of that. How I grew up and one largely affected it. I wanted to say thank you for all that, but the website itself is inanimate. I only considered this, what may be my most genuinely mature post here ever, when I saw the dwindling user count at the bottom. I knew it was in decline and would continue, but dropping down to this - just made me feel really nostalgic.
So if I end up never coming here again in a week or more or we all head our seperate ways, then I'd just like to say as a young adult that I will never forget this place. It's been a huge inspiration and one of the many happy times in my life I can remember.
[M0n:2225]
