Post by Kyon on Dec 27, 2010 4:48:04 GMT -5
Done a lot of thread-spelunking, but mainly this one, which this story is obviously based off of. Thanks to those who built profiles for their characters, I followed quite a few of those as well.
The Sword Of Brawl.
There was once a legend in the land of Void, a white surface on a flap of land that seemed to stretch on endlessly, of a weapon that could grant unimaginable power to the wielder. Though many claimed this weapon could not exist in the present-day due to common assumptions over the eventual decay of its materials, no certain evidence could ever be pointed towards a conclusion. So let us take ourselves back a time where time was romanticized...
... the Medieval Ages of Brawl. A time so simple that brawling on the streets was as normal as the sunrise. A time where no awards, grudges, or points were held between two warriors.
Honor was all that mattered. That and booze. Those, and of course, fair women bowed by an impressive kill over another man. A period of social grace, unforeseen antiquity, and noble men.
"All ye shall be vanquished at the swift might of my blade!" cried the armored voice of the knight, Sir Balto, who raised his sword valorously and taught his shield to his breast. The town guard, a green-skinned fellow (who is NOT an orc), knelt behind him with his crossbow and spear yet he was obviously weary from battle.
The intruders were something not of this world - green, black "undead" stick figures that had been summoned from the earth by an evil warlock standing not too far away on an ominous hulk of stone. Virius, the foul warlock deemed himself, had set sight upon entry to Castle Paintawl wherein King Puke fearfully dwindled.
"Thous dost' face me alone!?" the warlock mocked him as he summoned more green-black stick figures from the Void to threaten his timely opponent. Sir Balto did not budge for his knightly honor was at stake though he was clearly outnumbered at least seven to one...
The town guard rose once more, lifting his spear. "Sir Balto does NOT fight alone!"
"Bitchin!" the knight fist-pumped, then corrected himself, "I-I mean, well met, guard! We shall unite our swords and face them as one!"
And so the knight and the guard charged, slicing through many an undead as they carved their path towards the warlock, whom seeing his forces being quickly slashed down, took off into the air with an incredible levitation spell.
"STOP!" ordered the town guard, "YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW!"
"A little late for threats, guard!" the knight ceased him.
In the streets, a wizard in blue, neon robes watched the events take fold. He began to radiate energy from his palms, but halted himself. No more dark magic... he wasn't evil anymore. And of course, good wizards didn't have any really cool or useful powers.
And so the wizard Bonetail could only watch as a mere citizen of Brawlot as the evil warlock Virius got away with harassing a group of people with his undead minions and challenging a knight. As he walked away, the 'NO ULTERIOR MOTIVES' sign on his back dipped and flew off along the breeze.
"So what do you have planned?" a commoner wearing a brown, Zelda-like hat walked beside him. "You look like you're planning something for a retired wizard."
Bonetail the Wizard nodded and then found a table conveniently on the side of the street they were on, ignoring all of the panic of people and citizens as he laid out a map.
A map of Castle Paintawl, the very fortress that held the famous MacGuffin, an item of material value. "Yes, the plan is perfect! I'm going to teach that motherf**ker... hrh-hrm. That womb-wasted fool what happens when you take my job! I'm going to steal his treasure!" Bonetail exclaimed.
The commoner stared at Bonetail confusedly.
Bonetail sighed, "You did not hear or see anything." But I'll need to gather more evil people to form an army...
--
In the middle of Castle Paintawl, King Puke twiddled his thumbs as all secondary characters did when they lacked screen-time but still got a mention. When at last the doors to his throne room flew open, he eagerly believed that this would be good words of a battle well fought by his noble knight Sir Balto, but instead...
"DADDY!" Princess Ruby, fairest woman throughout the land, stalked into the King's throne room wearing an appropriately ruby-colored dress and elbow-length gloves. Throughout her childhood she had always been a complainer, so the King only mutely shrugged as his troublesome princess daughter approached. "THERE WAS AN UGLY, MISSHAPPEN THING IN MY ROOM!? I-I THINK HE WAS A... A..."
The King anxiously implored her shaking his hands as if saying "What!? What, spit it out girl!?" though with the humongous basket's worth of vomit and drool that was salivating from his mouth, this gesture remained a simple gesture.
"A.. COMMONER!" the audience gasped and the fat lady fainted as these words left Princess Ruby's mouth. TREASON. Commoners were not allowed inside Castle Paintawl-
A suspicious, black-haired youth popped out from behind the King's chair. His skin was pasty and his clothes were savage, torn in certain places and as brown as mud or dirt. This lack of color and unkempt appearance (and the vast number of buttons that seemed to hold his clothing together) told only one thing.
He was INDEED a commoner!
"Hello?" the commoner said in an unusually queer voice.
The King was equally shocked at his daughter's discovery, but moreso at how the impudent commoner had infiltrated HIS throne room!?
"Daddy! I can't believe this - you've invited a commoner into your thrown room and... and..." Princess Ruby stared in shock as she peered at the king's desk conveniently also placed inside of the room. "you did it BEFO' YOU INVITED ME? If you were a real king, you would have molested me at least three times by now! But you haven't touched me even once!"
King Puke shrugged, but the commoner who was able to speak spoke for him, "Umm... Princess, sorry to say, but yer' English is kind of bad. I can only understand your word bubbles."
By now, the Princess was in tears. "My father's constant puking made it impossible for me to learn how to talk! I... I had to learn from... COMMON BOOKS!!! WAAA!!!" and again, the audience fainted.
"...?" both King Puke and the commoner were confused.
A chicken-sized egg creature waddled behind Princess Ruby, and without any hesitation it tugged on Ruby's dress. She had no idea where the poor helpless creature had come from or what it even was, but so help her the precious little thing was adorable and it was a sad little soul the same as she was right now. So she scooped up the tiny, yellow egg creature in her arms and propped it against her chest like a child.
Her heart boiled with meager intentions. "That's it daddy, I'm leaving!" And without any argument, Princess Ruby had left for another castle with her egg-shaped companion.
The commoner and the King were standing there alone until the doors opened again. This time it was not Princess Ruby, it was the Town Guard.
"HALT!" said He, "YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW AND BROUGHT WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY WITHIN THE CASTLE WALLS!"
--
Had thou forgotten Virius the Warlock? For not had he slept while events unfolded, he retreated to his cave of horrors and sat leisurely upon his evil chair just as a king might have. But as he wasn't expecting company, the sudden noise of footsteps tapping against the stone of his hideout raised an alarm in his mind.
He sat up, examining a similar figure who was standing inside of the chamber with both arms bared. He was a multi-colored fellow with blue-green pants, dark blue shirt, and red-orange shirt sleeves. A black face was covered by a yellow turban that encased his head, and this "his" was in fact a potential evil warlock named Spectre, breaking the tension.
Spectre was an apprentice of Virius, nonetheless an ungrateful one. But he was not alone because as all intelgent' person knew, darkness grew quickly in the absence of light, and the forces of darkness were amassing in Virius's home. Why his!? What the hell was going on, he hadn't channeled anyone's spirits today!
Beyond Spectre, there was another figure... a female figure... dressed in a Death Eater cloak from the Harry Potter series. Her hair was blonde and she had a ruby ring on her... it was Princess Ruby, now on the side of darkness, but why?
"MY FATHER'S AN ILLITERATE PRICK AND I HATE LIFE! TEACH ME THE DARK ARTS PLEASE!" she begged with a face that could make you want to rip a puppy in half. And eat the damn thing raw, too.
"Ugh..." Virius sighed, "I wish some army or something would come along so I could, but I just don't have the time, Princess. I don't know how you-" he looked at Spectre and facepalmed realizing how she'd found this place, "Alright, point is, I just don't have time to trai-"
"DO YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX!?" Princess Ruby cried, "I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE SEX. CASUAL SEX!"
"..." Virius, a powerful EVIL warlock, was speechless.
"
" ex-Princess Ruby's eyes became watery and desperate, and yet so cold and calculating as if the odds were being placed in her favor.
At last, Virius nodded and rose from his throne. "Okay, fine. Meet me in the back area."
--
At last, Sir Balto had returned with word of their battle. He reported that the town guard had assisted him, or rather that he had rescued the guard, but he was taken aback as he saw the "commoner" inside of the castle. During the transition, however, this common man revealed his true identity and explained the situation.
So here was it if you missed it: his name was Maddy, and he was just a common man or "village peasant" until he'd run up with Bonetail. But Bonetail decided to be a solo act, even though he told him his plan, because Maddy was supposed to be a distraction. He had done that part well, sneaking up on the king's throne and surprising everyone while remaining auspicious...
"...but he said he was going to steal some MacGuffin or whatever from your vault! If we hurry we can still stop-!"
"My lord!" Called the second knight, Sir Scottson, as he ran towards his king. "I dear' bringth bad'th news'th, sire! The Royal Vault'th has'th been'th looted'th, my lord! Eth!" and with a solemn gaze and a stock run, the knight turned and exited the room.
"Crap!" Maddy cursed, "Well, there was another thing. He said that there was an army being cooked up by Virius the Warlock, so he was going to steal it early! If we hurry maybe we can-!"
The doors to the throne room once again opened, but this time an ordinary soldier dashed down the hall. "My lord!" he cried, "I regret to inform you of this black news! A vast army from the eastern empire is heading our way! Our patrols say that they number in the tens of thousands! We are awaiting your order!" and just like the man before him, the ordinary soldier ran out of the room.
"Seriously dude, you are like the worst ruler ever." commented Maddy, to which everybody in the room nodded.
Poke!
Sir Balto felt a tinge on his back, a tiny fencing sword had throbbed him from behind and he whipped around to face this new enemy. A gray-skinned black-haired knave (for lack of a better description) was standing behind him with an Epee' pointed at him.
"Knave!" Balto shouted, "Such puny weapons will do no' harm to a knight's armor!" and he bonked the Epee' wielding knave on the head with his sword.
"I guess I'm on your side now." the Epee-wielding, gray-skinned, black-haired man decided abruptly. His name for now was Epee' because his actual name was unknown to everyone.
"Sweet, new party member!" Maddy cheered.
--
Bonetail crept from the sewers, a sack shewn over his shoulder. He drank a magical potion, and suddenly turned into a poof of smoke. And then into a frog. He leap-frogged (ha, get it!?) into the Royal Vault and stopped, basking to absorb the majesty of the Royal Treasure.
And he made off with all of it. The end.
--
"Allow me to translate for you, my King!" Sir Balto nodded, kneeling and pointing his broadsword across his knee.
King Puke began to recite...
"Young heroes, males, knaves, sword-wielders. We are on the brink of a war with some foreign empire, and a warlock! We need to gather heroes and so far we have only 3 - Thy knight, thy Epee', and thy Town Guard! We must gather more heroes-! And here are some we happened to find! ... The Good Wizard - John the first, second, third, fourth, and sixth! ... The Mage - Sir Spawne! ... The Traveling Prince - Sir Ghost! ... The Archer - Sir Rageblood! ... And last but least... this cute, enchanted wooden armor that the good wizard provided for my daughter for her birthday - I1!"
The eight heroes all gathered in front of the King's throne room, they knelt, and so their party was formed!
"Together, we shall search for the legendary weapon and battle this army that doth' besiege us!" Just as Sir Balto had said that, a magic missile went flying through the air and pummeled Castle Paintawl.
--
END OF PART 1.
--
The Sword Of Brawl.
There was once a legend in the land of Void, a white surface on a flap of land that seemed to stretch on endlessly, of a weapon that could grant unimaginable power to the wielder. Though many claimed this weapon could not exist in the present-day due to common assumptions over the eventual decay of its materials, no certain evidence could ever be pointed towards a conclusion. So let us take ourselves back a time where time was romanticized...
... the Medieval Ages of Brawl. A time so simple that brawling on the streets was as normal as the sunrise. A time where no awards, grudges, or points were held between two warriors.
Honor was all that mattered. That and booze. Those, and of course, fair women bowed by an impressive kill over another man. A period of social grace, unforeseen antiquity, and noble men.
"All ye shall be vanquished at the swift might of my blade!" cried the armored voice of the knight, Sir Balto, who raised his sword valorously and taught his shield to his breast. The town guard, a green-skinned fellow (who is NOT an orc), knelt behind him with his crossbow and spear yet he was obviously weary from battle.
The intruders were something not of this world - green, black "undead" stick figures that had been summoned from the earth by an evil warlock standing not too far away on an ominous hulk of stone. Virius, the foul warlock deemed himself, had set sight upon entry to Castle Paintawl wherein King Puke fearfully dwindled.
"Thous dost' face me alone!?" the warlock mocked him as he summoned more green-black stick figures from the Void to threaten his timely opponent. Sir Balto did not budge for his knightly honor was at stake though he was clearly outnumbered at least seven to one...
The town guard rose once more, lifting his spear. "Sir Balto does NOT fight alone!"
"Bitchin!" the knight fist-pumped, then corrected himself, "I-I mean, well met, guard! We shall unite our swords and face them as one!"
And so the knight and the guard charged, slicing through many an undead as they carved their path towards the warlock, whom seeing his forces being quickly slashed down, took off into the air with an incredible levitation spell.
"STOP!" ordered the town guard, "YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW!"
"A little late for threats, guard!" the knight ceased him.
In the streets, a wizard in blue, neon robes watched the events take fold. He began to radiate energy from his palms, but halted himself. No more dark magic... he wasn't evil anymore. And of course, good wizards didn't have any really cool or useful powers.
And so the wizard Bonetail could only watch as a mere citizen of Brawlot as the evil warlock Virius got away with harassing a group of people with his undead minions and challenging a knight. As he walked away, the 'NO ULTERIOR MOTIVES' sign on his back dipped and flew off along the breeze.
"So what do you have planned?" a commoner wearing a brown, Zelda-like hat walked beside him. "You look like you're planning something for a retired wizard."
Bonetail the Wizard nodded and then found a table conveniently on the side of the street they were on, ignoring all of the panic of people and citizens as he laid out a map.
A map of Castle Paintawl, the very fortress that held the famous MacGuffin, an item of material value. "Yes, the plan is perfect! I'm going to teach that motherf**ker... hrh-hrm. That womb-wasted fool what happens when you take my job! I'm going to steal his treasure!" Bonetail exclaimed.
The commoner stared at Bonetail confusedly.
Bonetail sighed, "You did not hear or see anything." But I'll need to gather more evil people to form an army...
--
LATER ON.
In the middle of Castle Paintawl, King Puke twiddled his thumbs as all secondary characters did when they lacked screen-time but still got a mention. When at last the doors to his throne room flew open, he eagerly believed that this would be good words of a battle well fought by his noble knight Sir Balto, but instead...
"DADDY!" Princess Ruby, fairest woman throughout the land, stalked into the King's throne room wearing an appropriately ruby-colored dress and elbow-length gloves. Throughout her childhood she had always been a complainer, so the King only mutely shrugged as his troublesome princess daughter approached. "THERE WAS AN UGLY, MISSHAPPEN THING IN MY ROOM!? I-I THINK HE WAS A... A..."
The King anxiously implored her shaking his hands as if saying "What!? What, spit it out girl!?" though with the humongous basket's worth of vomit and drool that was salivating from his mouth, this gesture remained a simple gesture.
"A.. COMMONER!" the audience gasped and the fat lady fainted as these words left Princess Ruby's mouth. TREASON. Commoners were not allowed inside Castle Paintawl-
A suspicious, black-haired youth popped out from behind the King's chair. His skin was pasty and his clothes were savage, torn in certain places and as brown as mud or dirt. This lack of color and unkempt appearance (and the vast number of buttons that seemed to hold his clothing together) told only one thing.
He was INDEED a commoner!
"Hello?" the commoner said in an unusually queer voice.
The King was equally shocked at his daughter's discovery, but moreso at how the impudent commoner had infiltrated HIS throne room!?
"Daddy! I can't believe this - you've invited a commoner into your thrown room and... and..." Princess Ruby stared in shock as she peered at the king's desk conveniently also placed inside of the room. "you did it BEFO' YOU INVITED ME? If you were a real king, you would have molested me at least three times by now! But you haven't touched me even once!"
King Puke shrugged, but the commoner who was able to speak spoke for him, "Umm... Princess, sorry to say, but yer' English is kind of bad. I can only understand your word bubbles."
By now, the Princess was in tears. "My father's constant puking made it impossible for me to learn how to talk! I... I had to learn from... COMMON BOOKS!!! WAAA!!!" and again, the audience fainted.
"...?" both King Puke and the commoner were confused.
A chicken-sized egg creature waddled behind Princess Ruby, and without any hesitation it tugged on Ruby's dress. She had no idea where the poor helpless creature had come from or what it even was, but so help her the precious little thing was adorable and it was a sad little soul the same as she was right now. So she scooped up the tiny, yellow egg creature in her arms and propped it against her chest like a child.
Her heart boiled with meager intentions. "That's it daddy, I'm leaving!" And without any argument, Princess Ruby had left for another castle with her egg-shaped companion.
The commoner and the King were standing there alone until the doors opened again. This time it was not Princess Ruby, it was the Town Guard.
"HALT!" said He, "YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW AND BROUGHT WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY WITHIN THE CASTLE WALLS!"
--
MEANWHILE
Had thou forgotten Virius the Warlock? For not had he slept while events unfolded, he retreated to his cave of horrors and sat leisurely upon his evil chair just as a king might have. But as he wasn't expecting company, the sudden noise of footsteps tapping against the stone of his hideout raised an alarm in his mind.
He sat up, examining a similar figure who was standing inside of the chamber with both arms bared. He was a multi-colored fellow with blue-green pants, dark blue shirt, and red-orange shirt sleeves. A black face was covered by a yellow turban that encased his head, and this "his" was in fact a potential evil warlock named Spectre, breaking the tension.
Spectre was an apprentice of Virius, nonetheless an ungrateful one. But he was not alone because as all intelgent' person knew, darkness grew quickly in the absence of light, and the forces of darkness were amassing in Virius's home. Why his!? What the hell was going on, he hadn't channeled anyone's spirits today!
Beyond Spectre, there was another figure... a female figure... dressed in a Death Eater cloak from the Harry Potter series. Her hair was blonde and she had a ruby ring on her... it was Princess Ruby, now on the side of darkness, but why?
"MY FATHER'S AN ILLITERATE PRICK AND I HATE LIFE! TEACH ME THE DARK ARTS PLEASE!" she begged with a face that could make you want to rip a puppy in half. And eat the damn thing raw, too.
"Ugh..." Virius sighed, "I wish some army or something would come along so I could, but I just don't have the time, Princess. I don't know how you-" he looked at Spectre and facepalmed realizing how she'd found this place, "Alright, point is, I just don't have time to trai-"
"DO YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX!?" Princess Ruby cried, "I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE SEX. CASUAL SEX!"
"..." Virius, a powerful EVIL warlock, was speechless.
"
" ex-Princess Ruby's eyes became watery and desperate, and yet so cold and calculating as if the odds were being placed in her favor.At last, Virius nodded and rose from his throne. "Okay, fine. Meet me in the back area."
--
AND BACK IN THE THRONE ROOM
At last, Sir Balto had returned with word of their battle. He reported that the town guard had assisted him, or rather that he had rescued the guard, but he was taken aback as he saw the "commoner" inside of the castle. During the transition, however, this common man revealed his true identity and explained the situation.
So here was it if you missed it: his name was Maddy, and he was just a common man or "village peasant" until he'd run up with Bonetail. But Bonetail decided to be a solo act, even though he told him his plan, because Maddy was supposed to be a distraction. He had done that part well, sneaking up on the king's throne and surprising everyone while remaining auspicious...
"...but he said he was going to steal some MacGuffin or whatever from your vault! If we hurry we can still stop-!"
"My lord!" Called the second knight, Sir Scottson, as he ran towards his king. "I dear' bringth bad'th news'th, sire! The Royal Vault'th has'th been'th looted'th, my lord! Eth!" and with a solemn gaze and a stock run, the knight turned and exited the room.
"Crap!" Maddy cursed, "Well, there was another thing. He said that there was an army being cooked up by Virius the Warlock, so he was going to steal it early! If we hurry maybe we can-!"
The doors to the throne room once again opened, but this time an ordinary soldier dashed down the hall. "My lord!" he cried, "I regret to inform you of this black news! A vast army from the eastern empire is heading our way! Our patrols say that they number in the tens of thousands! We are awaiting your order!" and just like the man before him, the ordinary soldier ran out of the room.
"Seriously dude, you are like the worst ruler ever." commented Maddy, to which everybody in the room nodded.
Poke!
Sir Balto felt a tinge on his back, a tiny fencing sword had throbbed him from behind and he whipped around to face this new enemy. A gray-skinned black-haired knave (for lack of a better description) was standing behind him with an Epee' pointed at him.
"Knave!" Balto shouted, "Such puny weapons will do no' harm to a knight's armor!" and he bonked the Epee' wielding knave on the head with his sword.
PERSONALITY CHANGE.
"I guess I'm on your side now." the Epee-wielding, gray-skinned, black-haired man decided abruptly. His name for now was Epee' because his actual name was unknown to everyone.
"Sweet, new party member!" Maddy cheered.
--
MEANWHILE, ACTUALLY A FEW MINUTES AGO IN THE ROYAL VAULT
Bonetail crept from the sewers, a sack shewn over his shoulder. He drank a magical potion, and suddenly turned into a poof of smoke. And then into a frog. He leap-frogged (ha, get it!?) into the Royal Vault and stopped, basking to absorb the majesty of the Royal Treasure.
And he made off with all of it. The end.
--
AND BACK TO THE THRONE ROOM. KUNG PUKE HAD BEGUN TO ADDRESS THE PEOPLE...
"Allow me to translate for you, my King!" Sir Balto nodded, kneeling and pointing his broadsword across his knee.
King Puke began to recite...
"Young heroes, males, knaves, sword-wielders. We are on the brink of a war with some foreign empire, and a warlock! We need to gather heroes and so far we have only 3 - Thy knight, thy Epee', and thy Town Guard! We must gather more heroes-! And here are some we happened to find! ... The Good Wizard - John the first, second, third, fourth, and sixth! ... The Mage - Sir Spawne! ... The Traveling Prince - Sir Ghost! ... The Archer - Sir Rageblood! ... And last but least... this cute, enchanted wooden armor that the good wizard provided for my daughter for her birthday - I1!"
The eight heroes all gathered in front of the King's throne room, they knelt, and so their party was formed!
"Together, we shall search for the legendary weapon and battle this army that doth' besiege us!" Just as Sir Balto had said that, a magic missile went flying through the air and pummeled Castle Paintawl.
--
END OF PART 1.
