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Post by rabiesisme on May 28, 2008 7:06:35 GMT -5
I've decided to have a go at this Fan Fic thing. I haven't really done anything like this before, so cut me some slack, alright? Also, McJesus will be supplying every chapter with a few pics. -The Purge- Chapter One: The destruction of 3rd Street. Note: Everything written in blue text depicts events taking place at an unspecified time in the future. Everything written in normal black text, depicts events taking place in present time. Also, the events written in blue are linear. That means that blue text in chapter 1 comes chronologically before blue text in chapter 2. When I say 'unspecified time', I mean it's not clear how far in the future we are, not that one blue text is 5 minutes in the future, and another blue text is 5 years in the future. It sounds complicated, but it isn't. Recap: Future. Present time.QuickFeet dropped to his knees. He had given it all he got, but it made no difference. He was facing a force too great for him to handle by himself. Around him were collapsed buildings with nothing remaining, only half a wall there, a bit of roof sill attached here... Bricks that once made up a wall were now lying on the street. Toppled cars were burning. Lamp posts were bent, some completely ripped out with only a bit of concrete attached to the base of it. Ashes and dust were raining down. QuickFeet leaned forward and put his hands on the ground. Sweat and blood from his face dripped down and formed a muddy substance together with the ashes and dust on the ground. QuickFeet struggled to keep his eyes open, but it was too much of a pain. He was tired. Sleeping seemed like heaven right now, but it would mean death. His eyelids felt like the heaviest thing in the world. He couldn't take it anymore, and closed his eyes. His arms gave in and his entire body dropped, face down, on the ground. " Fag..." McJesus grabbed the cigarette in his mouth with his index- and middlefinger, and threw it on the ground. He looked over at Spawner, who was standing just a few yards away from him. They had arranged to meet just outside of Brawl City, and were prepared to fight each other. McJesus' face turned from 'not caring' to 'a little angered.' " I've told you a million times before; spawn BIG things![/i]", McJesus said. "And I've told you a million times before: it takes too much time! Sometimes you really piss me off," replied a frustrated Spawner. "and now I'm gonna shut you up." He got into a battle-ready form, but McJesus seemed to care little. Spawner's arm became encased in green and purple lightning, and a glaive* started to materialize in his hand. He threw the weapon in a sideways arch at McJesus, who quickly blew it to bits with an explosion, much like skeet shooting. The explosion caused a curtain of smoke that, through wind, was carried right between McJesus and Spawner, causing both of them to lose sight of one another. Suddenly, a car came flying through the black smoke, and hit McJesus. His face smacked onto the windshield as the car continued flying through the air. After it landed, it cracked open the ground, and the car rolled off of McJesus and continued for a few seconds until it stopped on its side. The smoke cleared, revealing a grinning Spawner. "Was that big enough?!" he said, followed by a light chuckle. McJesus rose up, and wiped some blood from his mouth. He put on his serious business face and pulled back his right arm as he started running towards Spawner. He made a throwing motion with his pulled-back arm and a little, glowing ball appeared (the size of an eyeball) and speeded toward Spawner like a bullet. Before he could make a move, the glowing yellow ball was already inches from Spawner's face. Time seemed to stand still. The ball slowly made its way towards Spawner's face. It seemed like minutes, but it didn't take longer than a second. He could see the fire moving inside the ball. It was an explosion, cramped together. Destruction in a neat little package. About an inch from Spawner's face, the ball started to expand. The slow-motion-like time that Spawner had experienced before was now gone, and in the second it took to close his eyes, the ball exploded in his face. The impact caused Spawner's body to fly back like it was weightless. He hit the ground every 2 or 3 seconds, but went right back up into the air afterward. Similar to bouncing a rock across the water. He continued bouncing until he crashed into a store window located on the very edge of Brawl city. A young female shopkeeper started screaming at the sight of it. After he got back on his feet, Spawner looked out of the window he crashed into. No sign of McJesus. He looked over at the woman, who was still screaming. "Look, my head hurts a lot right now, so can you cut it out with the noise please? Thanks!" The shopkeeper reached under the counter and Spawner knew what was up; she was reaching for a gun. He quickly spawned a wall of bullet proof glass between her and the counter. The shopkeeper popped back out, and fired at the glass, which appeared to be useless. "Now where is that damn McJesus?" Spawner opened the door of the shop and stepped outside. He looked to his left and right; people. The streets were crowded with panicking civilians. Some ran inside any building they could find, some drove off in random directions with their cars and some just ran off screaming. "Ugh… This isn't helping with the whole 'headache' thing..." Suddenly, an explosion from above drove Spawner into the ground, and caused a huge crater in the streets. McJesus was standing on the roof of the shop behind Spawner. He kept firing explosion after explosion into the crater, causing it to get bigger and bigger. The shockwaves of the explosions made nearby windows burst, and buildings shook from the miniature earthquakes. Cracks formed in the streets and grew wider and longer with each explosion. The cracks went up the sides of buildings, and tore apart the walls. After maybe 30 explosions inside the crater, McJesus stopped and jumped off the roof. He landed safely on his feet and looked down the crater. There was no sign of Spawner. The only thing he noticed was the sheer heat of the burning earth inside. McJesus walked away from the city, leaving it engulfed in flames. Behind him he could hear the sounds of ambulances and people screaming in terror. Brawl City took another hit. Glaive = fictional weapon that can best be described as a giant shuriken, only much cooler looking, and it returns to the caster like a boomerang. Image google it.
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Post by chortle on May 28, 2008 7:23:17 GMT -5
I'm not being judgmental or anything, I've only read about 1/3 down, but how many fics are Quickfeet and McJesus starring/subsequent characters in by now? I mean, it makes sense for you, but I've seen at least 3 that involve you and him. It's getting repetitive, just finish your second grudge match and be done with it.
Your dialogue needs a bit more spacing, some clump together, but it's an impressive fight/action scene. MOAR DRAMA.
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Post by McJesus on May 28, 2008 7:31:03 GMT -5
*incredibly wide grin*
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Post by rabiesisme on May 28, 2008 8:37:35 GMT -5
I'm not being judgmental or anything, I've only read about 1/3 down, but how many fics are Quickfeet and McJesus starring/subsequent characters in by now? I mean, it makes sense for you, but I've seen at least 3 that involve you and him. It's getting repetitive, just finish your second grudge match and be done with it. Oh, this won't be about the whole QuickFeet Vs. McJesus thing. It won't even be mentioned. In fact, I can guarantee to you that they won't lay a finger on each other in the entire story. As far as QuickFeet and McJesus being characters in other fan fics goes, I can't really help that. I needed McJesus for the fight scene I had in mind, and QuickFeet... well, he's mine. As you said, it makes sense that I use him. I'll try to fix that and keep an eye out for it in the future. Thank you. I'll try. Thanks for the comment!
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Post by Maybe Might Not Be Moneybags on May 28, 2008 15:36:16 GMT -5
Nice fight scene.
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2008 16:08:20 GMT -5
Rabies, I sense a very interesting story in the making. Is McJesus helping with the story writing too?
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Post by McJesus on May 28, 2008 20:42:19 GMT -5
Nope, he writes it all, I just draw purdy pictures.
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Post by The Omnipresence on May 28, 2008 20:45:35 GMT -5
When I saw the title, I was lead to believe this would be about teenagers who were self-conscience about the way they look so they purge to get really skinny. Then there would be parts about the dangers of forced vomiting.
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Post by rabiesisme on May 29, 2008 0:50:55 GMT -5
When I saw the title, I was lead to believe this would be about teenagers who were self-conscience about the way they look so they purge to get really skinny. Then there would be parts about the dangers of forced vomiting. Nope, that's a story for another day.
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Post by rabiesisme on May 30, 2008 0:53:40 GMT -5
-The Purge- Chapter Two: Silences. Note: Everything written in blue text depicts events taking place at an unspecified time in the future. Everything written in normal black text depicts events taking place in present time. Also, the events written in blue are linear. That means that blue text in chapter 1 comes chronologically before blue text in chapter 2. When I say 'unspecified time', I mean it's not clear how far in the future we are, not that one blue text is 5 minutes in the future, and another blue text is 5 years in the future. It sounds complicated, but it isn't. Recap: Future. Present time.One week later...The mayor of Brawl City was your typical jolly mayor; fat, moustache, the only hair he had left was on the sides and back of his head, wearing a dark greenish suit... (stereo)typical. After the destruction of 3rd Street a week ago, the mayor invited most of Brawl City's populous for a town meeting. Thousands of people were sitting in the community centre. The mayor was standing behind a rostrum as he put on his reading glasses and spoke to the people. "Citizens of Brawl city... today marks exactly one week since the destruction of 3rd Street by the Brawlers. This event, however, was not a rare occurrence. The explosion in the subway station, the collapsing of the second Tall Tower and those of you that are among our eldest can recall the Great Fire that ravaged our city for days all those years ago. All of these events are to be blamed on the Brawlers!" A few people in the crowd whispered to each other. Some people even started crying, in memory of their lost family members. The mayor continued; "I've gathered all of you here to discuss how to get rid of this hazard once and for all. Two days ago, I was contacted by one Mr. Daniel Sheppard. Mr Sheppard believes he has the means to solve our problem. Mr. Sheppard?" The mayor walked off to the side of the stage while an old (about 50 years old) man approached the rostrum. He was wearing a black suit, black shoes and a black tie. He had short, messy, brown hair and a stubble beard. "Thank you, Mr. Mayor. Citizens of Brawl city, I am here to end all of your misery." The lights in the room dimmed. Mr. Sheppard pulled a small remote from his pocket, turned his head to the curtain behind him and clicked the remote. The curtains opened, revealing a wall-sized white screen. Mr. Sheppard clicked the remote again, and a projector mounted on the ceiling of the room cast an image on the screen. A front and side view of a humanoid figure became visible on it. "This... is Illidon." Mr. Sheppard said as he turned his head back to the public. "Six days ago, my firm retrieved the remains of the Brawler that died on 3rd Street. We have been experimenting with DNA combinations, and by combining the DNA we found with cells we retrieved from other Brawlers, we have been able to create exact copies of them." Mr. Sheppard's face lit up. It was like watching a super villain reveal his master plan. Mr. Sheppard would appear to be like Satan himself in some ways, though the public was blinded. Their eyes were set on the total extermination of all Brawlers. "Illidon acts as a one-man-army.”, Sheppard continued. “When he acquires a target, he spawns a blob, an exact replica of the enemy, only purple. This clone is to equal the target and band together with Illidon to form a superior force and eliminate all that oppose." Sheppard grinned. "To unleash and contain Illidon requires a tremendous amount of energy. Energy costs money, which we don't have. We are asking for a fee to let Illidon loose on your enemies. Furthermore, we need funding to develop containment devices. We plan to capture a Brawler for testing, and we need to keep him restrained." The mayor walked back up to the rostrum. "We need your help to pay for this project. In order to keep our city safe, we ask that you donate all of your salary to this cause and keep only that which you need to live." The entire room was quiet. QuickFeet opened his eyes. He was in a dark, grey room, lying in a bed with a torn, green blanket. He sat up and looked around.
There was nothing but some junk in the room. An old storage water heater, some wooden crates, spider webs, dust on the ground, a small, boarded up window and even a girl's doll was sitting on a wooden chair in the corner. QuickFeet got up from the bed and walked to the only door in the room. He slowly pushed it open.
What he saw behind it was a kitchen. It was a little cleaner than where he just came from. There was more light, and almost no dust. In the middle of the room was a round table, with SwordKill, McJesus, Balto-boy, Grimscott and Madvideogamer sitting at it, drinking coffee and having breakfast.
They all looked surprised at QuickFeet. "Awake already?" asked Balto before he sipped from his coffee.
"I'd have expected you to be out for at least another 12 hours" noted Grimscott.
QuickFeet seemed agitated. "What the hell is this? What happened?!"
Balto put down his mug. "Madgamer picked you up. He saw you pass out in the middle of the street, about to be killed by... that.. thing. His portals make him excellent at getting people out of danger, and away from him."
QuickFeet took a seat at the table.
"Where am I?"
Grimscott replied, "We took shelter in this abandoned place in Brawl City. As far as we now, no humans are in the city, so we're safe."
"Safe?! Where's Illidon?"
"Illidon?"
" That thing you're talking about. "
Everybody at the table became silent. Nobody seemed to move. Grimscott broke the silence.
"He's still out there..."
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Post by Grimscott on May 30, 2008 1:13:31 GMT -5
I love where this is going.
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Post by benavides20 on May 30, 2008 1:46:52 GMT -5
this is great
but it needs some thing
add me in *hint*
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Post by McJesus on May 30, 2008 4:46:28 GMT -5
I love where this is going. I told you! ;D
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Post by Balto-Boy on May 30, 2008 9:12:56 GMT -5
Oh, lawdy, we is all gonna die!
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Post by rabiesisme on May 30, 2008 12:20:45 GMT -5
this is great but it needs some thing add me in *hint*I kinda have the general outline of the story done in my head, and you haven't popped up yet. I'll see what I can do...
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Post by Maybe Might Not Be Moneybags on May 30, 2008 14:20:50 GMT -5
Damn, this had so much poteintal, but it's in essence a clone of Balto's story...
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Post by rabiesisme on May 30, 2008 14:25:45 GMT -5
Damn, this had so much poteintal, but it's in essence a clone of Balto's story... How?
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Post by Maybe Might Not Be Moneybags on May 30, 2008 14:29:03 GMT -5
Balto's Story:The Brawlers try to survive in a post-apocolyptic world caused by a zombie attack. Your Story:The Brawler's try to survive in a post-apocolyptic world caused by Illidon. I seriouslly hope things change drasticlly in the next few chapters.
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Post by kevmcg1 on May 30, 2008 14:29:44 GMT -5
Damn, this had so much poteintal, but it's in essence a clone of Balto's story... It has the same feeling of fear and desperation, like they have to hide, and if Illidons as strong as I think, it'll get pretty desperate when they're trying to fight him. Doesn't make it a clone though Sheep. Yes, I know you said essence Sheep.
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Post by rabiesisme on May 30, 2008 14:31:18 GMT -5
Balto's Story:The Brawlers try to survive in a post-apocolyptic world caused by a zombie attack. Your Story:The Brawler's try to survive in a post-apocolyptic world caused by Illidon. I seriouslly hope things change drasticlly in the next few chapters. Who said anything about post-apocalyptic?
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Post by kevmcg1 on May 30, 2008 14:32:42 GMT -5
Balto's Story:The Brawlers try to survive in a post-apocolyptic world caused by a zombie attack. Your Story:The Brawler's try to survive in a post-apocolyptic world caused by Illidon. I seriouslly hope things change drasticlly in the next few chapters. Who said anything about post-apocalyptic? I think he means when you mentioned there were no humans and you guys were in an abandoned building. Although it could just be that building.
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Post by rabiesisme on May 30, 2008 14:36:02 GMT -5
Who said anything about post-apocalyptic? I think he means when you mentioned there were no humans and you guys were in an abandoned building. Although it could just be that building. The humans put Illidon there. I assume when you put a a giant demon-like creature in a city you get the hell out of there yourself. The humans aren't dead, Brawl City isn't destroyed, and it's not post-apocalyptic.
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Post by Maybe Might Not Be Moneybags on May 30, 2008 14:42:20 GMT -5
The humans put Illidon there. I assume when you put a a giant demon-like creature in a city you get the hell out of there yourself. The humans aren't dead, Brawl City isn't destroyed, and it's not post-apocalyptic. Still, you've got the baisic "Normal-People VS Unstoppable Jugernaut" concept going one. But let's stop fighting and start writing, shall we? If you can use the story to convince me it's not the same, I'll admit I'm wrong.
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Post by Balto-Boy on May 30, 2008 14:55:32 GMT -5
Damn, this had so much poteintal, but it's in essence a clone of Balto's story... See that smoke-filled thing in the sky? That's Rabies being shot down.
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Post by rabiesisme on May 30, 2008 14:56:25 GMT -5
The humans put Illidon there. I assume when you put a a giant demon-like creature in a city you get the hell out of there yourself. The humans aren't dead, Brawl City isn't destroyed, and it's not post-apocalyptic. Still, you've got the baisic "Normal-People VS Unstoppable Jugernaut" concept going one. So does almost everyone. A bunch of good guys versus one uber powerful foe is an ancient concept. If that makes you consider it a clone of Balto's story, then you're gonna run into a similar problem again and again. Besides, Balto has a zombie story, not a "normal people VS unstoppable juggernaut" concept. Zombie stories have been done almost an equal amount of time as my concept, if not more. You admitting you're wrong doesn't mean jack shit to me. I'm going to continue my story, but I won't make any effort to dramatically change it, unless I had it planned already. I had the concept and most of the events of this story planned in my head for months. Literally. At first, it was going to be a fully drawn comic with a few different people working on it, but McJesus recently told me he didn't want to do it anymore, so I decided to write it on my own in fan fic form. So yeah, any similarities between mine and Balto's story are completely coincidental, and (almost) every concept has been done before.
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Post by Maybe Might Not Be Moneybags on May 30, 2008 14:57:50 GMT -5
and (almost) every concept has been done before. Ouch, I believe I just got owned.
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Post by rabiesisme on Jun 1, 2008 8:34:36 GMT -5
-The Purge- Chapter Three: Bloodbath at the headquarters. Note: Everything written in blue text depicts events taking place at an unspecified time in the future. Everything written in normal black text depicts events taking place in present time. Also, the events written in blue are linear. That means that blue text in chapter 1 comes chronologically before blue text in chapter 2. When I say 'unspecified time', I mean it's not clear how far in the future we are, not that one blue text is 5 minutes in the future, and another blue text is 5 years in the future. It sounds complicated, but it isn't. Recap: Future. Present time.TheVirus was aching for a good match ever since he arrived in the White Void not too long ago. He decided to go to Brawl HQ, the "hangout room" for Brawlers, and ask around there. Brawl HQ was very similar to a house. It had a kitchen, a living room, a bathroom, and a few bedrooms. Nobody really owned it, it was more like public domain. Most Brawlers hung out in the Living room, as it was the most enjoyable. It had old skool arcade machines, a huge flatscreen TV, the most comfortable couch and a pool table. TheVirus walked in through the doorway to find QuickFeet playing Resident Evil 4 on the Wii, and Bulet playing Pac Man on one of the arcade cabinets. " Any of you guys wanna fight?" Virus asked. QuickFeet got up from the couch and threw the controller down. " Sure, dude. I suck at this game anyways. Aerial Assault good for you?" TheVirus seemed a little agitated. " Hell no! There aint no machines in Aerial Assault, bitch." QuickFeet let out an annoyed sigh. " Fine, we'll go to Brawl City, jeez..." Swordkill, MVG, Balto-boy, Grimscott and QuickFeet were discussing what to do next. Illidon was still roaming around Brawl City, and they had no contact with any of the other Brawlers.
"So what's the battle plan?" QuickFeet asked, not expecting to hear anything good.
"We can't take this guy alone. We need to get as many Brawlers together as possible." Swordkill said.
"How the hell are gonna do that?! Illidon is still out there!" noted Grimscott.
QuickFeet put his elbows on the table and rested his head on his hands as he sighed.
MVG had both his feet on the table, but pulled them down and sat up straight as an idea seemed to enter his mind.
"QuickFeet!" Madgamer said, as kind of a "Eureka!".
"What?" He replied, while still resting his head on his palms.
"You can outrun him!" MVG continued.
"Hey yeah!" added Balto with an upbeat attitude.
QuickFeet looked up.
"Are you kidding me?! You don't think that idea has crossed my mind a million times by now?! ”
The others all looked questioning at him.
"It won't work, alright?! He'd spawn a clone that would catch up and probably kill me. "
Everybody else's face turned to disappointment. They all looked at the table.
"Fine, I'll do it. But you guys better make sure I don't get killed. You're going to have to distract Illidon for me."
As QuickFeet and TheVirus were just about to leave Brawl HQ, Virus stopped and held his arm against QuickFeet’s chest, as to stop him too. “ Do you hear that? It sounds like helicopters… ” QuickFeet looked confused. “ Nope, I don’t hear anything. If you're trying to freak me out, you’re doing a pretty bad jo-…” Suddenly he stopped talking… he heard it too. Bulet stopped playing on the arcade machine, and walked over to the other two while looking at the ceiling. They heard the sound getting louder and louder, until it finally stopped. Then they heard a muffled voice. On the roof, Mr. Sheppard had landed a group of about 3 helicopters, accompanied by about two dozen armed soldiers. “This is it, men. Move in and kill everyone that stands in your way, but I want at least one prisoner. Go!” Sheppard instructed the men. The soldiers rappelled their way down the side of the building. Some gathered around the front door, and some took the back door. One of the soldiers at the front kicked the door in as another threw in a smoke grenade. “ Get out of here!” QuickFeet yelled at the TheVirus and Bulet. They both ran off towards the back exit as QuickFeet made a backhand motion in the air to blow the smoke grenade through the window. He ran toward the front door, but encountered a group of 5 soldiers wearing gasmasks. They all aimed their assault rifles at QuickFeet. “Get on the fucking ground!” one of them shouted with a muffled voice because of his mask. QuickFeet held his hands in the air so the soldiers wouldn’t shoot. Some of them went around QuickFeet to get behind him while the others kept him at gunpoint. “On your knees with your hands behind your head!” said the same soldier with the same muffled voice. QuickFeet listened and got on the ground as one of the soldiers cuffed him. “ What the hell is going on?” he asked. “Shut up, buddy. You’re in no position to ask questions.” “ Is that so?" asked QuickFeet as he inhaled deeply. He exhaled in the direction of the three soldiers in front of him, and blew them against the wall with his breath. The wall crackled and a picture fell down from it, causing the frame to shatter. Before the other two men could react, QuickFeet spun around on his knees and kicked the soldier that cuffed him, causing him to fall on his back. He then jumped while moving his arms underneath his legs to no longer have his hands on his back. QuickFeet turned to the only soldier left standing and headbutted him in the face, knocking him out and making the glass of his gasmask shatter. He could hear the soldier that he previously kicked in the heel reach for his gun. He swiftly kicked the gun out of his hands and crouched down besides him to grab him by the collar. “ I’ll ask you again… What the hell is going on?! ” “Shouldn’t you be worrying about your friends, right about now?” He was right. QuickFeet had forgotten all about Bulet and TheVirus. He stood back up while lifting the man up with him and threw him against the wall, guided by a huge blast of air. The blast easily smashed the soldier right through the wall, so he landed unconscious outside. Bulet and Virus were standing ground in the kitchen. They could hear sounds and footsteps all round them. The problem was; there were three doors to get into kitchen, and only two sets of eyes to watch them. One of the armed men kicked down the door that wasn’t being watched. Three of them ran inside and fired at Bulet, who aimed the palm of his hand at the bullets by reflex. He had stopped all of them in their tracks with his telekinesis, but was too slow to respond, so one bullet had made its way through his palm and was poking out the back of his hand. Before caring for his wound, Bulet fired the remaining bullets at the stunned soldiers. “ Come on, let’s go.” Said TheVirus as they both ran towards the back exit. They went outside through the backdoor to find about ten soldiers standing in an arch around the exit, all aiming their guns at them. Virus turned to Bulet. " Don’t move…". They both put up their hands as the men cautiously approached. One of the soldiers looked at TheVirus. “Why is your hand glowing?” Out of nowhere, a helicopter controlled by TheVirus flew towards some of the soldiers. The chopper was tilted forward so that the rotor blades would chop up the men. The soldiers that weren’t sliced to bits by the helicopter opened fire at the two brawlers. Their blood splattered all over the wall and some bullets made their way inside it, as Bulet and Virus dropped down. The dying Virus lost control of the chopper, and it crashed into the ground. QuickFeet raced towards the back exit after hearing all the noise. He opened the door, but before he could take the gruesome sight in, he was hit in the face with the butt of an assault rifle. He dropped to his knees, and put his hands on the ground as he faced downward. The soldier that hit him in the face pulled out his handgun and pressed it towards QuickFeet’s right shoulder. He fired a single shot, making the orange Brawler drop to the ground completely. QuickFeet rolled over on his back. His vision was blurred, but he could see a man in a black suit approaching. It was Mr. Sheppard. When Sheppard arrived besides him, he kicked QuickFeet in the face, making him black out completely. “Put him in the chopper so we can get the hell out of here.”
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Post by McJesus on Jun 1, 2008 8:42:59 GMT -5
It's actually quite futile for me to be commenting on this, considering I need the chapters in advance to draw the pictures. ;)
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Post by rabiesisme on Jun 1, 2008 8:44:42 GMT -5
It's actually quite futile for me to be commenting on this, considering I need the chapters in advance to draw the pictures. ; ) Comment anyway >:C
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Post by McJesus on Jun 1, 2008 8:46:07 GMT -5
Note the fact that I did! Also, you're almost at 4000 posts! WOAH!
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